#sorry to turn this semi personal but i can relate to this message quite a bit

[hopusthebrainlessfloof]

This! This!

Additionally, uneducated and ignorant children can uneducated and ignorant adults. And as a pretty young adult, I personally have a lot of experience with adults judging me for a limp, needing to sit so much, needing the public scooters provided at superstores, and et cetera. If the stigma isn't corrected as kids are young, where they develop their understanding of the world, they will grow to believe that it's okay to mistreat disabled people throughout their entire life. It hurts, and it hurts a lot.

Able bodied parents I'm begging you to teach your kids about disabled people. Not just because they could become disabled themselves one day but also because even if they don't, they have a very real chance of being rude to us if you don't teach them.

Yes, kids just say shit. They have no filter. That doesn't make it any less humiliating when your child sits near me on the bus and incessantly grills me on why I have a stick when I'm not old. Or laughs at us for things our disability causes. It doesn't take away the hurt when they bully a disabled classmate. For a large part these things could be avoided if you just taught your kids to respect us. It's really not that hard.

[ayankun]

Got a lot done today, rewarding self with hsmtmts S1 (who am I kidding, this was going to happen regardless) just starting ep 3, thoughts that contain S2 spoilers below

It's not as awkwardly zany as I feared! I think its mockumentary style is certainly more stylized than it's become, but the jokes still land. Even though some of said jokes are based on their characters' archetypes rather than the people they're going to grow into. What can you do, it's only been an hour of runtime, everything's gonna be different by hour 10.

Gosh the kids are so young! But they're all doing so so so well. I've also now seen an hour or two of cast interviews, and the age differences of the actors is pretty wild. Like I think Frankie is one of the older ones, but for the first time I paid attention and found out Carlos is supposed to be a sophomore like Gina (but now it makes more sense that he's only just turning 16 lolololol)

I'm feeling really bad for Ricky, remembering that his home life troubles are specifically what are causing him to react and over-react and generally be a drama-maker on behalf of the plot. Like on one hand, it's such an interesting choice to have your leading man be the anti-hero of his own story, 'cause he hecks up ALL the time and is sometimes hard to root for, but taking a step back to observe that this is a fiction and everything is designed with intent, Ricky's character isn't really a hero or villain, he's a personification of a message, which is that sometimes you gotta dig deep and identify the root of your problems first before you can start applying beneficial solutions. And you might just keep hecking up until you get there. The stuff with his mom in 2x09 is sosososososo important and a long time coming, the character's going to have to be a different person going forward because he's finally been able to address some of his issues that have been festering since 1x01.

Semi-related, I'll always show up for a good redemption arc. Ricky, the hero, is going to need one! Nini might even get one (1000% I don't believe she needs one, keep self-actualizing, queen!), but anyway the S1 antagonist trio of EJ, Gina, and Mr. Mazzara is so fun/frustrating to watch, knowing that in S2 they're literally all going to become not just protagonists but also my favorite ones.

ALSO seeing evil!Gina and villainous!EJ interact keeps giving me chills. Those poor kids have NO IDEA what they're in for!!!!!

Similarly, Matt Cornett has grown on me a lot. Even first time through, I thought he was the weakest of the cast (lol he's the oldest, he's ridiculously old for that baby face) and just now in One Billion Sorrys I was like, isn't EJ supposed to be leading man material? Why is his performance so bad for comedy reasons? Oh... it's less comedy reasons and more Matt Cornett doing his best? Also why is he so white-washed this season! The makeup they've caked on him makes him look sickly. ANYWAY he's really come a long way, and especially with the stuff they've been giving him in S2, his scenes where EJ's successfully engaging with Gina as a human being are sosososo effective and I'm looking forward to getting back to that point.

Clocking some callbacks S2 has made to S1, like Kourtney talking to Nini about how she's avoiding talking to Ricky about something important and then Ricky comes up, or Nini needing to keep her phone out of the hands of her insecure clingy boyfriends so they don't jealously delete things. EDIT: just finished S1 and there was another major parallel I noticed but since noticing I have somehow forgotten :<<<<< OH COULD IT HAVE BEEN 1x08 is where Ricky and Nini rekindle things and 2x08 is where they call it quits????? (also Ricky getting earth-shattering home & family news on holidays and having to bottle it up b/c someone's on his doorstep and he has to perform Emotional Stability) (found another one, Miss Jenn's "Trust the process" vs Dean Patel's "Trust the outcome.") (Miss Jenn giving Nini a voice and YAC literally taking it away)

I guess also Ricky's mom problem and Nini's decision to put her dreams first were the inciting incidents for these two characters' arcs -- like, the narrative's inciting incident is "I think I kinda you know," and it plays out in the spaces where the Ricky/Nini romance storyline provides conflict for the success-of-the-show storyline, and vice versa, but the CHARACTERS' STORIES are about the mom thing and the dream thing, and are actually the root of all the interpersonal drama.

Not sure that I have a point, it's more of a comment of appreciation.

Another good thing about S2 is that it opens up to include more stories for the supporting cast, kinda like how HSM2 does and makes Ryan your favorite character. So even in retrospect, in S1 my faves are Gina and Mazzara and Seb & Carlos and Ashlyn, and Nini and Ricky are just Also There.

Different thought: my singular major complaint when I watched this the first time was that the show (accidentally? Due to unyielding adherence to the conventions of the genre?) uniformly conflates personal success with romantic success. As in, you know you've finally achieved your dream when you are handed a SO as a trophy. The sole SOLE exception to this in S1 is Kourtney, and look how that's played out in S2. :/ especially since one of my favorite favorite things was Start of Something New recast as Nini's romance-free self-actualization ballad, I really thought that was a premise that would make an appearance s o m e w h e r e in the show. SO IM SO HAPPY THAT'S FINALLY PAID OFF FOR NINI. LIKE IN 2x09 WHERE RICKY'S DROWNING IN HIS UNSHED TEARS AND THEN IT CUTS TO NINI SCROLLING COMMENTS IN HER INSTAGRAM HOLY SHIT. There's a read where she's the bitch or whatever for not being as broken up as Ricky is, but gurrrrrrl this has been her true character aim since day one!!! Her story is not! About! RICKY!!!!!

(I wanted my ace!Taylor HC to magically transfer into Kourtney, whose canon feminist self-affirming character core might prevent her from getting roped into a romance storyline. Like I don't want to begrudge a character a romance plot if that's what the character wants, but GOSH wouldn't it have been cool if this rom-com genre could find room to accommodate aspec stories. ALSO where my trans teens at!!! Fingers crossed, S3.)

In conclusion, I identify with Mazzara what with his autism and his robots and his AV club and his green gingham button-up that I also have; I love love love his look of consternation with himself when he sends that email. 10/10. But also, if we were in high school, I'd have been a grade ahead of his actor sooooo guess that means I'm just a crusty old grandpa

(Started writing this going into ep 3, now I'm headed into ep 6 lololol. HOMECOMING SEBLOS AND DONT WANT NO SCRUBS KOURTNEY CASTLES IN THE SKY MY BELOVEDS)

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe idk if youll see this but i only have a year left until college and i live in an abusive household. no one understands me and my mom and dad especially don't. my older sister doesnt seem to hold the patience to listen to whenever i do try and call her once annually. i dont know how much longer i can hold on. it literally hurts my mind so much thinking about all of it, especially after abusive episodes from them. im scared to live alone but i just cant wait to

gosh im so sorry to hear that love :( while i’m proud of you for making it this far and for being able to talk about it with me, it’s really awful that you’ve had to deal with it for so long, and that it’s happening to you in the first place. especially during your adolescence, which is a time when we’re all super impressionable. a time when we all feel like nothing is ever going to change. and i can definitely relate to nobody even taking the time to understand you, and to feeling like you’re being overlooked or forgotten. when we experience something like this our brains often to try to make sense of the actions of those around us by turning towards self blame, and internalizing all the negativity + manipulating it into self hatred. but i think its important to remember that you are not responsible for what others do, in this context. how they choose to treat you is not a reflection of you or of what you deserve, alright? your sister’s selfishness is a trait of her own. your parent’s anger is a result of their lack of control and self regulation. none of this is on you. it may be hard to truly believe that in this moment, but nonetheless i think it’s a sentiment you should try to keep close to your heart. it’s not your fault that you have been failed by the people who were supposed to protect you, and it doesn’t mean that any future bonds you form will turn out the same way. it’s normal to want to give up at times, but you must know that there’s a difference between temporarily feeling that way and actually acting on it in a very permanent way. i said this another anon the other day, but i mean it just as much: you have so much waiting for you. and you didn’t survive all of that for nothing. once you’re in college and you have autonomy over your own life, once you get to choose how much time you spend with your parents and how much you let them in - all of the pain and toxic beliefs you’ve built your world view around will begin to slowly dissipate. and that may be a life long process, but it’s supposed to be. you have all of the time in the world to build your own existence and to heal from what’s happened to you. there are so many different tools to utilize, paths to walk down and people to meet who will show you what it’s like to be truly loved. including yourself, the person you will grow into. if you just give yourself the chance. i know it’s not that much comfort in this moment because you still have to deal with your parents and their bullshit, but it’s good to consciously remind yourself of all the good that is out there. when you’re an anxious and hurt person, it’s common to suffer from a sense of impending doom or failure, but the reality of it will be so much more of a calm, gradual process than you realize.

that being said, i’m quite worried that you’re still in this situation and that your parents are just okay with periodically putting you through ‘episodes’. it’s NOT okay. and you have every right to process hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness, numbness because of it. while it may be painful, there is no shame in crying or in feeling whatever you need to feel. it’s a normal human response to such emotional turmoil, so try to go easy on yourself honey. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given. however, it’s important to understand that the presence of these negative emotions is never an excuse to harm yourself or worse. i understand that it’s extremely overwhelming, and that it may sometimes feel beyond your control. but even just attempting to put some positive coping mechanisms in place may make all the difference, even if they don’t work every single time. this can be anything from creating a safe space for yourself (in your room, or could be somewhere outside like the park or a library) to researching breathing techniques and self affirmations, to journaling or venting to your friends, to meditation to finding a comfort hobby/show to simply lying in bed and sobbing the feelings out and then going to sleep, maybe practicing some self care. every small effort counts, even if it feels like the dumbest thing in the world. if you keep it up on a semi consistent basis, you will notice a shift eventually. it’s possible to hurt and grow at the same time. i also think it could be a good idea to consider reaching out to someone about this - perhaps a school counselor, or a mental health hotline, or a support group in your area. maybe make an appointment with your doctor to see if they can recommend any resources, if possible? whatever works for you. i just really think it’s important that you understand on a very fundamental level that you have every right to talk about what’s going on, and that there are so many ppl out there who understand. who have even been through the same thing, and survived after it and thrived. i know this is one of those suggestions that feels very scary and like you just can’t do it, but if there’s any service available to you i’d really recommend utilizing it, or at least not ignoring the option all together. having someone you can be honest with and who can enable you to develop some self esteem, plus some added perspective so you don’t feel as ‘trapped’, will really make it all feel a little less heavy. consistent therapy/counseling will show you how to unlearn all of the mental habits you’ve developed over the years due to the treatment you’ve endured, and you deserve that relief. i get that it all feels like a lot of effort, and i’m not saying that doing this stuff is a quick fix. i’m saying that you have a life and an existence that is worth investing in, that is worth caring about. you are worth the world, FUCK your parents for making you question that due to their own mental and emotional issues. regardless of your past, you’re here and you deserve better. you will find better. you’re so much closer to getting ‘out’ than you realize. while it’s normal to be scared of living alone, humans adapt quite quickly. and you wont be alone in the way that you imagine, you’ll simply have agency over your own choices. like i said before, there are so many ppl who are going to show you what it’s like to truly treasured, who you haven’t even met yet. it’s just a matter of treating yourself softly, the way you’d treat a friend going through a hard time, until you get to that point. and also a matter of knowing your parents are full of shit. but anyway, this got far too long. i just have a lot to say, i hate how adults choose to have babies and then do this to them.....if you want to talk about it properly, or if you need a friend or anything. please feel free to send me a message. i’ll be here, and i believe in you !! one day at a time 💌

[alongtidesoflight]

11 x 2 = 22 Questions

i'm incredibly late for this, like almost three weeks late? but i'm on a semi-hiatus. haven't forgotten about it though!

here's @autodiscothings questions! thanks for the tag!

1. What's your dream job?

For the longest time I thought it was becoming a doctor or a coroner until I realized I just tried to please my family. It really burnt me out. Lately I've been thinking of returning to school so I can get into anything related to IT security, though.

( rest under the cut)

2. Do you play any games regularly?

I do play Skyrim quite often, but only to playtest my mod. I'm at a point where playtesting it takes me longer than actually working on it, and since I'm pretty busy throughout my day that leaves barely any time for something else. I do sneak a couple of hours of Sims in every now and then, though, coz I love building tiny houses and apartments.

3. What's your favorite thing to write with?

Scrivener, hands down. All my book manuscripts are saved in there, as well as the worldbuilding and character development and general plotting. One-stop go for all things writing. Although I've started to write little one-shots for friends about our OC collabs on Google Docs.

4. What's your most used emoji?

🗡️ and 💖... the duality of man.

5. What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?

This is gonna sound ridiculously funny, I think, but the most "out there" food I've ever had is pancakes with bolognese sauce, and it actually tastes really good? Other than that I've recently tried tea with milk for the first time in my life and I really liked that, I've been drinking it regularly since then.

6. Can you keep a houseplant alive?

Yeah, I can! And I love plants! But the place I'm staying at is pretty cold and barely gets any sun throughout the day, so I'm unfortunately not owning any currently.

7. What was the last message you sent?

A "I'm sorry but who are you?" to someone who I'd saved as "Waluigi" in my phone's contacts and had no memory of doing so. Turns out it's my brother-in-law and I'm a grade A fool.

8. Share with me something that makes you happy.

... I do it for... her...

9. What's your favorite song lyric at the the moment?

"This century's a bore, I'm looking for a little bit more, I want the universe to bend". It just galaxy brain slaps.

10. Can you cook?

I can and WILL cook for people at every given opportunity. I see a resippy, I go hogwild. Someone gifts me a cooking book and I happy cry for a week straight. Someone tells me they like my food and I ascend right into the heavens. I am baking as we speak. I have been baking for at least an entire week. Do I ever sleep? Well that’s just my sexy little secret.

11. What items do you carry around with you every day?

My keys and my wallet. Nothing more to mention, I'm afraid, I don't like carrying around a lot of stuff.

i'm tagging @radioactiveblight @justaname02 @gaaaayshepard @lost-in-amaranth @thanris @slothssassin @vaughn-the-bandit-king @pulhynki @gravelilies @axolotlesque aaaaand @frenziedgem1 for this! feel free to do it (or not if you don't want to, i'm not your mom)

here's my questions for you:

For how long have you been on tungle dot hell?

Do you prefer to spend your freetime creating (writing, painting, woodworking, crocheting, etc. etc.) or are you rather the type to simply just unwind?

What’s the one thing that always puts a little smile on your face, no matter how bad a situation you’re in?

Is there currently a TV show, movie, book series, game series (or similar) that you like a lot? If so, what is it and why?

Your current favorite song?

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Do you prefer cold or warm weather? 

Can you play any instruments? How well?

What’s your favorite phrase in your native language?

Do you speak more than one language? If so, how many languages do you speak?

What do you prefer? Showering or taking baths?

[kayr0ss]

Appointments Chapter 3: Friendship no Jutsu!

[LWA, Diakko, Small Town AU, Fluff and Slow Romance, Pining™ lol]

Chapter 1 & Table of Contents [Links] AO3

“And then I named him Toby!” Akko grinned, whispering over her shoulder towards Lotte.

The afternoon Sociology lecture was winding down, and it seemed even Professor du Nord was fidgeting to get out and enjoy the pleasant weather. Akko, on the other hand, was dying to be anywhere other than a stuffy classroom; she was in much too good a mood to be sitting still. Honestly, wow, how did people who had five hour lectures survive? Was there a whole breakfast, lunch and dinner service in between? Five hours! Akko was at her wit’s end with just two!

Then again, it might have been the extra energy today. Akko was feeling chipper—even more so than usual. She wasn’t late to class (she’d love to shove that to a certain medical practitioner’s face), she was starting to settle into the routine of her new life in town, and best of all: she had a new friend.

A new, adorable, purring, might-not-have-had-rabies-shots, cat-friend named Toby who poked around the school shuttle stop at the town center.

All that was left was to find a part-time job.

“You can’t just feed stray cats!” Lotte hissed under her breath. “And how did you know it was a boy? I hope you didn’t hold it, Akko, it can be very dangerous to—”

“It had balls?”

“That… makes sense,” Lotte blinked. “But still. It’s going to start expecting food at the same place, especially if you’ve been doing it for a few days by now.”

“I live near the shuttle stop,” Akko shrugged, casually waving her hand. Her friendship with Lotte felt like a rock that kept her in place while she explored her new environment, and in her own Akko-way, she was thankful for it despite the nagging. Akko could recognize care expressed in its different forms.

There was no bell to signal the (rather awkwardly-timed) end of Sociology class, but the room’s listless chatter cued Akko in to check her watch.

16:43!

Two minutes never felt so long. She huffed impatiently, tapping her fingers on the desk.

“You’re extra fidgety today.”

“I’m going to go see Toby!” Akko completely ignored Lotte’s exasperated eye-roll. “Jasminka likes to give me left-over bread and crumbs for him! He already shows up when I wait for the shuttle to school anyway.”

“You’re literally just taking Sociology and Physics. What about the rest of the days?”

“I’ll walk by and feed him?” Akko said as if it were obvious. “I like taking walks, anyway.”

“So I’ve heard,” a kindly voice said from a short distance away. “University Admin has been so kind to inform me that a student with brown hair and red eyes ran from Central Blytonbury to my class during the start of classes.”

Akko “P—Professor!”

“Miss Kagari, correct?” the woman sported glasses and had a welcoming smile. Akko noticed that while she was a good professor, she seemed a little… easily stressed at times. She had fascinatingly red hair, which transitioned to blue towards the end. It looked liked she was growing out her hair and abandoning a former dye job, and Akko was about to suggest that it was long enough to be trimmed before remembering that she had been asked a question.

“Yes,” the brunette nodded, and Lotte had turned to watch the exchange.

“I don’t recall you being late for my lecture,” Professor du Nord pointed out. “What time did you leave Central?”

“Er—Ano—” Akko strained to remember, feeling a little nervous. Why was she asking? Was she going to get marked late even if the Professor came in after? That wasn’t fair! Suddenly, she remembered the panicked feeling of only having thirteen minutes to get to class and, “oh!” she mumbled to herself, driving a fist into her palm, “it was around two thirty-two when I bumped into ‘pretty blonde doctor.’”

Both Lotte and Professor du Nord raised their eyebrows in amusement, and the older woman smiled. “That’s rather impressive. Although I also heard you made quite the commotion along the way.”

Akko looked a little embarrassed, “sorry! I’m new in town and—”

The woman raised her hands to placate a visibly upset Akko, “what I came here to ask,” she interjected, “is if you would be interested in the University’s running club.”

“Running club?” the brunette paused in thought. That was… not what she expected?

“Mhmm,” Professor du Nord demurely clasped her hands. She didn’t look particularly athletic, or even interested in anything related to running or sports, but people in this town have surprised Akko and she really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Sucy looked like she was into some weird stuff but not, she didn’t know, fungi. And apparently Jasminka from the cafe can chug.

“I handle the track team and the running club,” the professor affirmed. “Anyway, it’s an open invitation, I’m sorry if I’ve kept you indoors for too long. Let me know what you think!”

“Oh no! It’s not a problem professor!” Akko waived her hands, flustered. She was warming up to the older woman faster than Lotte could say ‘Akko, no!’ (which was pretty fast) and suddenly Sociology class was a more exciting concept than it previously was—especially now that she knew the professor seemed like a cool, albeit kind of nervous, and surprisingly sporty person.

“If you’ll excuse me,” the older woman waved. She was walking off the next moment, and Akko noticed there was a certain power in her strides that made for an interesting impression when put side-by-side with her personality.

“Officially my favorite teacher,” Akko nodded with conviction, pulling her backpack onto one shoulder.

“You only have two,” Lotte chuckled while she collected her books. “And from what I’ve heard about that physics professor, there wasn’t much competition.”

Somewhere along the walk to the campus shuttle station, Akko had lured Lotte into ‘going to feed Toby’. She knew Lotte wouldn’t say no to a trip to the local cafe, but she was damn well going to use every opportunity to talk about her cat-friend if it showed itself. The bus ride was spent gawking out the window and looking through a list of job postings she’d collected. She considered asking if Jasminka needed some help in the cafe, but if she could remember correctly, there was a new kid helping her out already.. Having so much free time was nice, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t beginning to feel guilty over her parents’ allowances. And honestly, having so much time was beginning to get boring.

‘Gym Instructor Needed’ Disaster waiting to happen.

‘Library Staff’ Would bore me to death.

‘Test Subjects Needed’ —> Willing to sign health waivers —> Semi-invasive Chemical testing —> Competitive Payment —> Non-disclosure agreement

“Hey,” Akko elbowed Lotte, “how much do you think they pay the test subjects?”

The other woman looked over to the advertisement and visibly paled. She grabbed the paper, groaned, and flipped out her phone to send what seemed to be quite a lengthy (and expressive) message to a friend.

“I never want to go through pulling half-unconscious strangers out our apartment building,” she shuddered.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she quickly said. “Anyway, we’re here.”

Akko was off the bus and running the next second, crossing towards the cafe (“Akko! Stop trying to beat the crosswalk light!) which was at the opposite corner of a small intersection. Central Blytonbury wasn’t anything like the other ‘City Centers’ she was used to. It was just—literally—at the geographical center of the town. It had the cafe, the shuttle stop, the clinic, and at every direction of the intersection you could find other notable areas like the park, a small gym, a row of brownstone houses (Orion Street - eastbound was where Lotte and Sucy boarded, and Akko was elated to find that out because she was just a few blocks down) and finally, the road towards the markets.

The smell of brewing coffee was becoming so familiar to Akko now that she could probably tell Jasminka’s coffee shop apart from others. She skipped across the shop’s front patio with Lotte barely keeping up from behind.

“Jasminka!” she grinned, bursting through the door.

“Akko,” Jasminka cheerily replied, “and hello as well, Lotte.”

“Hello!”

“I was just telling my friend about you,” the Russian woman was about to introduce her to a bright-haired woman who was leaning over the counter with a boyish swagger when the woman in question nearly choked on her coffee.

“Holy shit!” she grabbed at her stomach, trying not to double over in laughter, “you’re that girl who totally wiped-out at the park! With the bike!”

Akko blinked. It’s the football coach. It was the freaking football coach who had to help her up. “Stove top hair football coach,” she blurted out.

“S—Stove top hair?!”

“Why does this keep happening to me,” Akko mumbled to herself in disbelief. This town really was ridiculously small.

“I can’t believe you dissed my hair,” the woman growled. Lotte and Jasminka watched in apprehension from the sidelines while the two, fiery personalities sized each other up.

“I mean that in a good way though?”

“How do you even like, mean that in a good way?”

“It looks badass!”

The woman blinked as if to consider the comment, “well I was going for that.”

That was apparently a good enough introduction because Akko held out her hand with mischievous enthusiasm. “I’m Akko! Be my friend!”

All things considered, she was surprised when the woman grinned. With a firm clasp, she took Akko’s hand, “my name is Amanda O’Neil!”

——

They had a cat problem.

“I guess it could be pretty bad,” Barbara scratched her head. “I mean, what if we had allergy patients and there are stray hairs near the clinic entrance.”

“Precisely,” Diana nodded, barely looking up from her copy of Clinical Respiratory Medicine by Spiro, Silvestri, et al. “There is also the matter of cleanliness and upholding medical standards to keep our permits. We’re going to have to find whoever’s leaving the breadcrumbs and have a few words.”

“Poor cat though. It was growing on me.”

Whether or not she felt sympathetic towards the cat was irrelevant to Diana, they had a job to do and an animal loitering in the nearby area was not something that could be compromised on. While the whole ordeal wasn’t necessarily that big of a problem, Diana found solace in the stability of her daily routine. She liked knowing what she would be doing at any given time of the day, and any errands out of her routine were planned and prepared for. The cat was not. “I can report it to the local shelter. If no one within the area claims ownership, they can take him away.”

“It’s a him?”

“Male genitalia,” Diana supplied professionally.

Barbara chortled, but with a wave of her hand she pushed the topic aside.

“Alright, let’s end that conversation there,” the dark-haired woman stood from the examination stool and pulled a cat-like stretch. “Where on earth is Hannah?”

As if on cue, the bell by the front door alerted them to an expected visitor.

“Sorry!” a woman with auburn hair tied up in bow walked into the clinic with familiarity. “We ran out of losartan and I had to make sure the stocks were replenished.”

“Huh,” Barbara blinked, recalling that the drug was used to treat high blood pressure. “That’s odd. I never remembered the people as being hypertensive.”

“Quite an amusing coincidence,” Diana gently closed her book. “I can think of a few individuals who’d definitely contribute to a rise in collective blood pressure.”

“Is this the Kagari girl again?”

“Kagari?” Hannah inquired. “The girl you sent to the pharmacy for antibiotics?”

Diana nodded, “she was quite the character. It was rather… frustrating. I am not sure what to make of her behavior, most especially since she seems keen to cause trouble at every corner she is found.”

“At the pharmacy, she was in line with that old man, uhm—” Hannah gestured in the air, finding the name at the tip of her tongue, “—Mr. Landon! Yeah, him, with the cane? And she goes, ‘is that a wig? It looks nice!”

“No way,” Barbara shrieked. “That old man’s grumpier than a cave bear!”

“He laughed,” Hannah said incredulously, “and said he wished everyone had a sense of humor like she did!”

“I wouldn’t put that past her based on what I’ve seen,” Diana nodded. “It’s fortunate that Mr. Landon found it amusing, but I doubt the rest of the townsfolk will be as receptive to her antics. Moreover,” Diana leaned back, taking off her glasses and neatly folding them on her desk, “she goes gallivanting around this way while enrolled in University. Scholars should conduct themselves accordingly, and not go pushing people around while running in the streets.”

Hannah and Barbara shared a look.

“She went even as far as to have an altercation with Dr. Meridies—the professor from Engineering, if you recall.”

“Well,” Barbara looked a little amused, “if you put it that way, she does sound like bad news.”

“I shouldn’t be one to deliver a judgement on character,” Diana crossed her arms, brows furrowing in frustration. “But I simply… can’t make heads or tails of it.”

Hannah laughed. “Wow. This is the most worked up we’ve seen you since… the Physician Licensure Exam?”

Diana was about to voice out her dissent, but then she realized she was getting unreasonably worked up over an acquaintance. She felt her face flush a little, but she digressed. It was nearing five-twenty in the afternoon and she was finally able to invite Hannah and Barbara for a very-much-planned and on-schedule coffee.

A minute before the clock struck five, the group was welcomed by the signature aroma of Jasminka’s brew. There was no cheesecake today, so the chocolate croissants would have to make do. She considered trying a sandwich—the shop liked to cut off the crusts (she always liked her sandwiches that way). On some days, Jasminka liked to suggest her something new, but Diana would politely decline. She always took note of her suggestions, though, stowing it away incase of she felt adventurous one of these days.

Whenever that might happen.

So English Breakfast tea with croissants it was. Hannah opted for something with vanilla, while Barbara ordered one of those peculiar mocha-peppermint frappuccino that Diana could never bring herself to try.

“What?” Barbara crossed her arms defensively at the looks she was getting. “Let me have my Christmas-flavored drink.”

“We didn’t say anything,” Hannah smirked with amusement, pulling her two companions towards a booth. Diana noticed that there was a new assistant in the cafe preparing their orders. Jasminka was cutting off the crusts of a fresh order of sandwiches, putting the crumbs into a paper bag before walking out from behind the counter towards a table and—

Oh. She blinked, registering familiar brown hair bobbing about in its usual childish fashion. Its owner shot Jasminka a grin, thanking her for “giving the local kitty food” before accepting the paper bag with red, sparkling eyes. Everything began to click into place, she really should have expected this, and before she knew it Diana was striding towards the table with authority in her gait.

“Why am I not surprised that you had something to do with the stray cat at Central?” Diana crossed her arms, a neutral expression gracing her features while she stared Akko down. She noted that she was seated and apparently acquainted with Amanda O’Neil, and good lord—did the two individuals most capable of raising the town’s collective blood pressure really need to be friends? So soon?

“You mean Toby?” Akko grinned.

“I see you’ve named him.”

The other woman—the one with glasses and light orange hair—she remembers as a regular, though she was mostly on her own when Diana saw her. She looked quiet and put together but somehow perfectly comfortable with her two, hardheaded and turbulent companions.

“Of course!” Akko blinked. “He’s my friend.”

“Wait a minute,” O’Neil slammed a palm on the table, squinting her eyes between the blonde and the brunette. “You two are friends?”

“Yes!” Akko asserted, in stark contrast to Diana’s calm and collected, “no.”

The blonde actually gawked a little.

She thought they were friends? She…? Diana was baffled. “You shoved me at a crosswalk, complained the entire time I was treating you of your injuries, refused to listen my medical advice—I can see scarring around the wound, I know you picked at it—and then entertained a stray cat around the premises of my clinic.”

Amanda face-palmed, “wow.”

“Exactly!” Akko stood up and balled her fists, shooting Diana a challenging glare.

Diana blinked. Exactly?

“Doesn’t that make us friends?!”

Caught completely off-guard by the assertion, and absolutely confused by this woman’s logic and definition of what “friendship” is, Diana found herself pushed to a corner. What on earth? What had either of them done to warrant friendship? Was she seriously declaring friendship while going red in the face with irritation?

Without truly thinking about her response, Diana stammered.

“I—I suppose?”

“See?! Was that so hard?!”

It was… frighteningly easier than she thought.

-

Hey guys! So here's the third chapter - I hope you all enjoy it! Amanda finally makes an appearance, and we will be seeing more of Toby in the future ehe ehe ehe.

Addendum: I made a rough map of fanfic!Blytonbury as a reference for when I write directions / travel times. I just thought I'd color it and share if anyone cares LOL. This chapter is so satisfying to post just because of how much trouble I had writing it, schedule-wise. But ya know, people need to make a living so I’m thankful to at least have some time to write! <3

[Bright red w/ Arrow - Central shuttle stop and the road to LNU; Blue - the Clinic; Brown - Jasminka’s Cafe; Maroon (Southwest) - Akko’s apartment bldg!; Purple - the Pharmacy; Yellow - Sucy & Lotte’s apartment!; Pink - school where amanda coaches football; Light blue - Diana’s house!; Dark blue - Library; big green - park w/ running track; green cirlce - the big oak]

[fyrapartnersearch]

Hello! It's been a long time but I return! Me:  The name’s Micchi, but feel free to call me whatever you wish. I’m in search of some casual roleplay buddies who might be up for some light-hearted, or really heavy roleplays. Basic info for me is I’m 20, and I’m a female more or less searching out other partners, preferably female, but gender really doesn’t matter in the end. I can’t say how much experience I have in RP, as my time RPing has been very patchy. I would average and say I probably have 1-2 years of experience, but I'm still learning and adapting. I'm currently enrolled in college in a full-time baking course, so I'm out most of the day during the week. I try to squeeze out replies despite this, as roleplaying is a great de-stresser for me. I try to average at the least one reply per day, but I can’t always do so since I’ve been fairly busy these days. At the least, I will respond on the weekends at least once a day if I can't get responses out during the week. If I haven’t replied in a week, please shoot me a message to remind me to reply, as I likely have read your message, but forgotten to reply! I will make sure to tell you if I know that I won't be able to reply for a week or more, so please be willing to do the same for me!

Style:  I RP in third person, paragraph style. I prefer to RP semi-lit, though I do this more or less as a stress reliever and a hobby, so I’m not too strict on my style or length or anything. I typically average a paragraph in response, and can push myself to write 2-3 if necessary, but even one-liners are no issue to me. My length varies depending on my partner, but I cannot spiel off more than 4 paragraphs per response. I like to plot up ideas together and though I’ve never gotten the chance, world-building does sound cool! I like to use faceclaims for my character, either a real person or an anime drawing, depending on my character (My older ones would likely have an anime drawing as a faceclaim while newer characters would have a real person). I also love to send pictures for references on my characters, and their clothing. It’s much easier for me to imagine their looks and clothing that way. ^.^ And lastly, since it’s been a while since I’ve RPed, I may be lacking in terms of detail and length, but with time and practice, I will improve! The same goes for my characters. They may start out very plain/shy or unrealistic-sounding, but over time, I will flesh them out and make them more and more realistic! So please bear with me. c: Rules:  So, starting rule is that I ask for my partners to be 18+, for comfort reasons and because I quite like smut. I prefer to be close in age to my partners, as I feel a better connection, and I’m more comfortable with it.  Second rule is that I ask you not to take control of my character without asking me first. I’ve had it happen before, and frankly it’s very annoying, and I’m sure you can understand why.  Last, a general rule. Respect. It’s a mutual rule, of course. I’ll respect you as long as you respect me.  Preferences:  So, I like to talk with my partners OOC, but this isn’t necessary if you wouldn’t like to do so. I’m an awkward and shy person, so I totally understand if you wish to keep talking strictly to plotting and talk about our characters/setting.  For pairings, I highly prefer M// and F//, but I will do some M/F, though only if doubling. I would love to try some F//, as I’ve never actually RPed F// before, at least not without being ghosted, so I’d love to get the experience with it. I prefer to play a bottom, but I will switch and I might top. I like to play a range of characters, but most are bottoms or switches. I prefer highly to switch if you dislike playing a specific role, to keep variety in the mix. I prefer to do OC RPs, but I do have a few fandoms that I will play canon characters in. Most fandoms are for the universe.  I usually play only one character at a time, but I can double. I like to do two different pairings when doubling (Like M// and F//). Kinks & Limits:  I’ll start with my main limits, since it’s mostly the normal stuff.  - Mommy/Daddy kink - Mpreg - Abusive relationships (Both physical and emotional) - Furries/Bestiality (Doesn’t include shapeshifters/hybrids) - Pedophilia/Age play (Or in general underage characters) - Incest - Non-con (Unless it’s in a character’s history, then that’s fine) - Feet stuff - Anything unhygienic As for my kinks, I’m still exploring so I’m open to almost anything not on the limit list, but here’s a few of my favourite ones so far:  - Cross dressing (Especially for my bottom males) - Rough sex - Lingerie (I love having my characters dress up in lingerie) - Hickeys/biting -Choking Fandoms:  So, I have just a few fandoms, but here they are. (The more *s next to the name, the higher my craving for it) - Overwatch ** (I prefer to play OCs since I’m not too well versed with the characters just yet, or we can just use the universe) - Toukiden Kiwami (I’d be pretty happy using the universe)  - BTS**** (I love these boys please RP them with me. No OCxCanon with this fandom) Genres:  - Romance (I love to have romance in any RP if possible) - Fantasy/Supernatural (My ultimate favourite. I like modern fantasy) - Slice of life (The one I’m best versed in) I am willing to try really any genre except historic ones because I know I can’t do justice to any timeline earlier than the 2000’s. 

Plots/Pairings:  These are some plots/pairings that I like or want to try. I’m open to any suggestions. (The more *s there are, the more interested I am in it. Bolded role is the role I would prefer) - Youtuber x Youtuber** (OCs only, but maybe two newer YouTubers collaborate and end up closely knit, and start dating) - Detective x Criminal/Thief* - Pirate x Pirate - Pirate x Commoner/Royalty (The commoner/royalty being a captive, though this wouldn’t be a Stockholm syndrome thing, but with a surprisingly merciful pirate who is kind to the captive) - Idol/Celebrity x Idol/Celebrity*** (This could go for BTS, or for OCs. I just like the idea of two celebrities who can’t be together often falling for one another and sneaking off to meet one another when they’re able to. Would probably be related to K-pop/J-pop/J-rock) - Idol/Celebrity x Commoner**** (Someone who happened to run into the idol/celebrity and hadn’t a clue who they were or was a fan and the idol grew attracted to them because they treated them no different than a normal human after learning who they were. I’m currently doing one of these, and I love it. This more or less ties to J-Pop/J-rock or K-pop, but any kind of idol/celebrity can be used) - Vampire x Werewolf* - Vampire x Human - Werewolf x Human (I’m a sucker for the human helping an injured werewolf plot) - Werewolf x Werewolf (Maybe a rogue being taken in by a pack alpha sort of scenario and slowly adapting them to life with a pack again) - Vampire x Vampire* (I like any plot, but I’m weak for an old, powerful vampire taking in a fledgling/newly turned vampire and teaching them how to adjust to their new life) - Demon x Angel - Demon x Human* (A human summons a demon, for any reason, and somehow the demon gets stuck with the human. Maybe the human accidentally summons the demon, and cannot send it back, so now the demon begrudgingly has to deal with this human until they find a way to get him home and they form a bond) - Human x Hybrid*** (Usually tied in with heats/ruts/ABO dynamics) - Hybrid x Hybrid* - Merman x Human** (Based off of Orenchi no Furo Jijo, a mermaid/merman is beached and dying, and a human takes them home and houses them in their tub. Possibly takes them back to the sea later on and makes routine visits to see them) - Good Boy/Girl x Bad Boy/Girl* (Something where the bad girl/boy has a soft spot for the good boy/girl and treats them completely opposite of their image. Maybe they’re childhood friends, and have been separated for years due to one moving away and have been reunited in college) - Supernatural creature x Human* (It could be any supernatural creature) - Supernatural creature x Supernatural Creature* AUs:  So, I’m really weak for the hybrid AU, supernatural AU and soulmate AUs. I would be willing to incorporate any into an RP. Contact Information:  Congrats if you made it this far, and I’m sorry for rambling. This post ended up wayyyy longer than I meant for it to be. But, if you want to RP, here’s where to contact me! I am most active on LINE and Discord. Discord: Imacow46#9993 LINE: imacow46

[strictly-need-to-know-basis]

psa

So I've very recently found out that a seven-year-long crush I had on someone was unrequited. I sort of thought I would be more devastated by this fact (a fact that I was dimly aware of the entire time but stubbornly chose to deny) but I instead feel ... relieved.

A bit of info on this disaster of anxiety and miscommunication: the feelings I had ebbed and flowed, but were very internalized. I can count on two hands the conversations I actually had with this person, and on top of that, I didn't tell a single person about my feelings for almost 4 years. The entire saga was basically me just pining hopelessly after someone I knew nothing about, staring at them from across the room for hours.

You're probably wondering when the public service part of this psa is going to start. Really, I'd like to make it known to any human out there that there's a difference between admiration and obsession. I didn't realize until now that my feelings were borderline obsessive. Whether consciously or otherwise, I planned my schedule around this person; I only tried to dress nicely when I knew they'd be there; I related every love song I heard to our fantasy future, did ridiculous things to impress them, (mostly unknowingly) flirted with whoever was next to them in order to get their attention ... the list goes on. One particular situation I remember quite clearly was deciding to skip a piano recital (I pretended to be sick) because I thought I hadn't prepared enough and didn't want to make a mistake in front of this person.

I held this person up to ridiculous standards - I mean, there's no denying there was a foundation to it, because they are, admittedly, quite talented - however, I genuinely thought for many years that this person was the best: the best looking, the best at music, sports, life. I constantly doubted my own self-worth because I compared myself to them, and still to this day scan every room I enter, looking for them.

The most important problem with my seven year crush was something I didn't realize I was doing to myself: internalized homophobia. I am bisexual, and it took me many years to come to terms with my identity (I still believe I am growing as a person, and that both my gender and sexual identity are and will be fluid, so I try to avoid labelling), but the person I had a crush on was very religious. I thought for a long time that if I could change, or perhaps rid myself of desire for all genders, or maybe even (here's the cursed word) choose the "correct" path, this person would like me back. This behavior is honestly so unhealthy, and I didn't wise up fast enough to stop the damage it did to my self-confidence as a semi-closeted bisexual in a non-progressive environment.

The reality of the situation, though, is that I really knew nothing about this person. It turns out they aren't nearly as interesting or fantastic as my distant admiration had made them out to be. I asked them out in an uncharacteristically bold move a few weeks ago, and they were polite enough to say, "OK." However, after a few of the cringiest text conversations I've ever been a part of, they finally admitted that they weren't interested. And honestly, to cut to the chase: the person turned me down in such a boring, cliche way that I finally took a step back and realized how silly I had been.

So here's the main message of this psa, after a few paragraphs of bullshit that I'm sorry you had to read through: don't compromise who you are. Don't try to change or hide, don't try to impress at the expense of your pride, and please, if you learn anything from this long-winded diatribe, get to know someone before you hard-core crush on them. Romanticizing a stranger means that the reality will always be a disappointment.

[dansoftwell]

Dan Howell's Natal Chart

note: first of all, obviously, i'm not the owner of the truth, this is a collection of information that i got, analyzed, classified and tried to put the most important things that make sense. And 2nd, English isn't my main language, i'm sorry for the grammatical error that i didn't see, don't hesitate to correct me.

Introduction: Astrological studies describe many of the character traits and they sometimes go deeper into the understanding of a personality. Please, always keep in mind that human beings are continuously evolving and that many parts of our psychological structures are likely to be expressed later, after having undergone significant life's experiences. It is advised to read a portrait with hindsight in order to appreciate its astrological content. Under this condition, you will be able to take full advantage of this type of study. The analysis of an astrological portrait consists in understanding four types of elements which interact with one another: ten planets, twelve zodiacal signs, twelve houses, and what are called aspects between planets (the 11 aspects most commonly used are: conjunction, opposition, square, trine, sextile, quincunx, semi-sextile, sesqui-quadrate, quintile and bi-quintile. The first 5 aspects enumerated are called major aspects).

And remember, the stars don't define personalities, they only tilt it.

Dan's planets and positions

• Personality profile.

The Ascendant is in Cancer and the ruler of the Ascendant is the Moon, in Gemini: His behaviour.

Psychologically speaking, his nature is dreamy, oriented towards nostalgia for things past. He's very instinctive and protects himself against the outside world. His inner life is rich, with fertile and even unlimited imagination, a propensity to avoid unnecessary risks and to pursue security. He shows his true face only to persons who can trust, when there is a kind of well being triggered by the nostalgia for the past. As he was born under this sign, he is emotional, sentimental, restful, imaginative, sensitive, loyal, enduring, protective, vulnerable, generous, romantic, tender, poetic, maternal, dreamy, indolent, greedy and dedicated. He may also be fearful, unrealistic, evasive, passive, touchy, anxious, dependent, stubborn, lunatic, backward-looking, lazy, burdensome, impenetrable and a homebody. Love in the masculine mode: for him, in love, is tender, sensitive and quite loyal. He's influenced by a mother-figure and unconsciously looks for a partner who will offer as much attention and affection as him used to receive as a child. He's a homebody and a dreamer and a blossom in the family cocoon; create, dreaming of adventures and extraordinary trips… that most often take in his head. Tenderness is more important than sexuality, even though it is also an agent for security and for stability. Sheltered from tragedies and life complications because at the very moment when a difficult situation emerges, nips it in the bud either by ignoring it or by withdrawing into his shell quietly, until the storm subsides. His home is happy and rich, quiet and harmonious, throughout his life.

The Sun in Gemini and in House 12: His will and inner motivations.

His mobility is such that he's in every place where isn't expected. Spends lots of time asking questions and… answering them. His curiosity and quick-wittedness are insatiable. His mind is in constant turmoil, hopping from one topic to another, solving problems, accumulating anecdotes and knowledge within a short range of time. His mobility is mostly mental, it takes him afar and turns his daily life into a mosaic of intense and pleasant moments that aren't necessarily related to one another… As he was born under this sign, he's nervous, expressive, lively and adaptable, with a quick mind and a good sense of humour. Is bubbling, playful, sociable, clever, curious, whimsical, independent, intellectual, flexible, ingenious, fanciful, imaginative, charming, cerebral, and he is into everything. He may also be whimsical, unfocused, quirky, superficial, indiscreet, opportunist, unmindful, selfish, sarcastic or mercurial.

Cancer Rising: His personality profile as others may see him. When in control of his emotions, he's the most understanding, sensitive person he could hope to find--but, if NOT in control, is the most miserable. Since he tends to be ruled by emotions, his moody, changeable quality is apparent to everyone around him. His smile is radiant, but tears can easily be close behind. Another characteristic that gives him away is his talkativeness, with an emotional quality coming through loud and clear. He appear gentle and soft, and acts rather reserved with others until he know them well and feel it is safe to be open with them. Has a strong need for emotional security and a sense of belonging, and is deeply attached to the past: his heritage, roots, family, cherished friends, familiar places, etc. Making radical changes or moving away from what is known and safe can be very painful and difficult for him. He tends to hold on to people and memories, as well as possessions of personal or sentimental significance. Having a home, a safe haven, is very important to him.

Others see him as extremely caring, and HE IS caring and nurturing. Is a mother figure in person. If lacks children of his own, he will find surrogate children or pets on which to bestow his maternal instincts. Is strongly attached to family and family traditions. In his professional life, he could naturally gravitate toward the people helping people activities--doctor, nurse, counselor, social worker, etc.

Perhaps his greatest handicap in work is his inability to accept criticism. Others may hesitate to make suggestions to him, but he hates having his judgment challenged or his routine interrupted or intercepted. This comes from his strongly emotional relating of all things around him to the self. He maybe needs to learn to separate his self identity from those things he and others do or say, and learn not to take everything so personally. Others see him as a "softy". He's extremely sentimental and is likely to enjoy romantic reading, movies and "Soap Opera" types of drama. His emotions respond readily to outside stimulation, as well as to his instinctive and intuitive messages. He can be somewhat like a sponge, picking up on the feelings of those around him. Needs to always be alert to this faculty and not allow himself to respond to negative influences. For this reason needs to pick his associates carefully, surrounding himself with positive, self-actuated types. His magnetic personality will draw all types to him, many of whom will be those weaker ones who may rip-off his energy. His pride can become so easily hurt and the hurt so well hidden that those closest to he may not even know it. To others, he can appear especially touchy, bitter and resentful, retreating into his shell to keep everyone away. When this happens, he's likely to begin to overeat and overdrink--to overindulge himself in a manner which makes it more difficult to deal with his emotions, and to the point where he become physically sluggish. Maybe he tries to satisfy his oral need by putting snacks, candy, gum, cigarettes, food, and drinks in his mouth constantly. Also may tries to oversleep and to avoid exercise during these times. The important consideration here is, this is the way for him to grow. These periods are normal in the life process of the person that is /him/.

• Emotions: Feelings and Disposition to Romance

The Sun in Gemini and in House 12: In the love, this Sir, increase the number of his love affairs, probably because don't want to give up his freedom too quickly. He's cerebral to the extent that games of seduction remain… a real game, where feelings and carnal pleasures are merely present. Paradoxically, he's very charming and attractive but is more interested in the game itself. Indeed, thrills of verbal joust, fun, the pleasure to communicate over and over again, remain the centres of his concerns. He clearly prefers to be a bachelor because he appreciates its hustle and bustle: outings, exciting parties or a wide range of encounters etc. However, when he meets with his soul mate, turn into a pleasant and charming partner!

Moon in Gemini and at home 12

He doesn't seem to be intensely emotional or sentimental, and is often unaware of the deepest feelings and needs, both of himself and others. Tears and tantrums perplex him and make him feel very uncomfortable. He prefers to resolve differences by speaking rationally and reasonably, but tends to overlook or mock any attempt to probe the inner depths of himself and others. He will avoids demanding and heavy emotional commitments, and is cautious to establish personal obligations. Needs a lot of mental stimulation and feels close to those who share interests and thoughts. Talking is very important to him. A silent couple is not the kind of company for him.

His own feelings and emotions are like an enigma to him and it is often difficult for him to share with others what he is feeling.

Frequently, he retires from contact with the world and needs a peaceful and renewing environment to flourish and get out of himself.

He identifies with the oppressed, weak or victims in any situation and wants to help or care for them in some way.

Moon in harmonic aspect to Venus orb 3 ° 20 ' Feel that small acts of caring and consideration are essential to the happiness and success of a relationship and knows how to make others feel accepted, loved and cherished.

Moon in harmonic aspect to Saturn orb 4 ° 32 ' Has an internal posture and balance that allows it to act efficiently during traumas and emotional stress. He maintains perspective and objectivity around highly emotionally charged issues, many times, to the chagrin of others who would like him to react more intensely. He is a quiet and loyal support to his friends and loved ones.

Venus in Leo at home 2

Warm and generous in love, he doesn't tolerate pettiness or stinginess in his partner. Wants a heroic figure, a Prince or Princess to be idealized and adored, someone to admire with all your heart, someone to be proud of. He's of great loyalty and devotion once gives his heart to someone. He longs for love, appreciation and attention from others and hates being ignored. Is somewhat susceptible to flattery and loves to feel SPECIAL. Enjoys some drama and color in his love life and great gestures of love or an extravagant expression of generosity that impresses him.

For him, love and affection must be expressed tangibly; He loves to give and receive gifts. Value the luxuries, comfort and elegance very highly and appreciate the beautiful things. It can also be immoderate and extravagant. He should be careful not to be overly possessive of the people he loves and his belongings.

Majority someone with venus in leo loves to court and be courted, and they need to feel very special. They're warm, generous, and even grand. Though really quite loyal to their partners, they thriveon romantic attention.

Venus Conjunct Mars orb 4 ° 7 ' He's very, very loving, and it seems very difficult to be without a loving relationship for some time. When someone attracts him, he reacts actively and ardently, and sometimes with too much force. Working artistically or creatively could satisfy their enormous desire for love and beauty.

Venus conjunction Jupiter orb 5 ° 33 ' He's of great heart and generosity with both his money and his affections, and he is not happy if he has to be limited or restrained in any way. The stinginess or pettiness is alien to its nature, and it feels more comfortable in an elegant and beautiful environment. Asceticism isn't his thing. He enjoys sponsoring cultural activities. Has an optimistic and friendly attitude towards others and promotes in others the expression of the finest and friendliest side. He falls in love with successful people, noble and idealistic.

Venus in disharmonious aspect to Saturn orb 1 ° 12 ' He's serious and finds it difficult to enjoy carefree, open and playful with others. Rarely does anything for the pleasure of doing it, and can be very stingy and parsimonious. Perhaps due to past experiences in his life, he is very cautious when intimate with people and in sharing his feelings. Although he wants love and affection, intimacy is difficult for him.

if you want more information of dan's chart I recommend this

Dan's Houses

Phil Lester’s natal chart

[thehorde]

We Are Originals

Previous Chapter

AN: So sorry it’s taken so long to update this! I tend to start to many things at once :/ Anyway, here you go!

Summary: When Thomas stops a young man from committing suicide, he is shocked when they turn out to look exactly alike. Life is not nearly as simple as he thought it was… Humanau, thesidesareclonesau,

STORY IN GENERAL WARNINGS: depression, anxiety, suicide attempt, swearing

Taglist: @anotheranimeaddict @tree4life25 @walrus-flail @countessmissyshort @swiggtyswag19 @michealawithana @fandomsandanythingelse @celiawhatsherlastname @anxious-but-whatever @justanotherpurplebutterfly @bookwormravenclaw @icecoldparadise  @thelogicalloganipus @bookwormravenclaw @lizzysperil @lollingtothemax @sunnywithachanceofsunflowers @istolelittleredshoodie @lynlinked @logicalpasta @moxiety--sanders101 @poisonlyra @itcouldbegay @captainswan618  @freepaperie081 @citygjrl @preyed-llama @soiguessthisismyusername @princeyssash @isdisorigionalenoughforyou @all-the-fand0mz @pailettehazel  @omlwhatamidoing  @emerging-writer @loverofpizzaandallthingssweetloverofpizzaandallthingssweet

Everything: @sanders-trash-4ever  @istolelittleredshoodie @redundant-statements-for-400 @lilbeanblr

Chapter 4

Thomas had been reduced to a nail-biting, hair pulling mess by the time he was able to use the car to drive to South Carolina.

Okay, so he could maybe, maybe rationalize the existence of one person, maybe two people that looked like him.

But three other people?

Maybe Joan was right. Maybe he was going crazy. Maybe he should get help.

Thomas’s knuckles were white on the wheel as he pulled into the guest parking lot in front of the university Logan worked at. He sat there for a long minute. Just… breathing.

He couldn’t panic. He needed to figure this out rationally and running off like he did a few days ago was not going to get him any answers. He drove the seven or so hours out here and now he just needed to find Logan. Which reminded him, how exactly was he going to do that? Logan hadn’t set up a place for them to meet. He supposed he could figure out where the science area of the school was and start there?

Grumbling under his breath, Thomas opened the door and stepped out into the day. He walked toward a map beneath some large trees, hands in his pockets. He was suddenly self-conscious as he entered a small crowd of walking students. The students laughed and studied and listened to headphones and some unfortunate soul was sleeping in a corner, and it was all so… normal.

Thomas had never felt so completely disconnected in his life.

It didn’t take long to find the building he needed, and on his way over, he took out the phone he was borrowing from his brother and texted Logan quickly. As usual, the message didn’t go through. Well, fine.

Thomas pushed through the swinging glass doors and walked down the hallway past groups of semi-panicking students. He waited for the hallway to clear a bit before continuing on, hoodie over his head.

“Hey, do you know where Professor Edison’s office is?” he asked a girl.

She frowned at him. “Uh, wow. I… are you related to him?”

“Cousin.”

The girl nodded. “Yeah. He’s in a lecture now, though. I just passed by. Room 221.”

“Thanks.” He was a bit early, then.

Thomas kept going, head down. There were remarkably few people that recognized him, which he was grateful for even if he didn’t quite understand it. 219, 220, 221. There.

He stood on his tiptoes to look through the window in the door. The lecture hall was large and shadowed and circular like a mini arena. Down there at a podium stood a young man with a laser pointer. Above him, the slideshow displayed what appeared to be a detailed drawing of an atom? The lecturer gestured simply at it, his eyes lit up with excitement. He was wearing glasses just like the other one had been, (Patton, wasn’t it?) but while the glasses had made Patton look almost childish, they gave Logan a look of intellectual superiority. He was wearing a sharp button-down and tie that Thomas wouldn’t be caught dead in, and it suddenly made sense why people were not immediately recognizing him. Logan carried himself like an adult. The teacher. And Thomas most definitely did not. He decided he’d think about that later as he eased open the door and sank into a seat. He’d hoped to come in completely unnoticed, but Logan glanced up at the door and his speech faltered. A flicker of something passed through his eyes, and Thomas gave him a tight smile.

“A-as I was saying,” He fixed his glasses. “if we reverse the polarity of the neutron flow…”

Thomas didn’t hear much of the rest of his lecture. Although, admittedly, Logan was not too bad of a teacher. He seemed stern, but he was willing and enthusiastic when students asked questions, which Thomas wouldn’t have expected. It felt like a matter of minutes until Logan’s lecture ended. Students zipped up their backpacks, put on coats, and filed out of the lecture hall. Thomas went with them. It was easier than going against the flow or the crowd.

He exited into the hallway and waited, arms crossed. He checked his watch. Logan should be coming out any second now… Sighing, Thomas walked up and down the hall boredly. He was jittery and anxious and he just wanted answers.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm. He yelped as the person pulled him back. Into a maintenance closet.

The door clicked shut and Thomas was chest to chest with a complete stranger.

The other person stepped back. “What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed.

“Finding you! You said-”

“I know I said-” He growled and reached up to pull on a string. A small light bulb popped on and Logan was standing there glaring at him. “I have a life that I have built here and I do not need some idiot rushing around ruining everything. Did anyone see you?” Thomas opened his mouth to protest, but Logan kept on. “Of course people saw you. You could be putting all of us in jeopardy with this foolhardy behavior!”

Thomas crossed his arms. The top of a mop was jabbing into his side and he struggled to keep his balance. “Look, I just want answers okay? Can we talk somewhere that isn’t a broom closet?”

Logan considered his.

He shook his head. “No. No, we cannot be seen together here.”

What was his problem? Why was he so freaked out? So there were a few people that looked alike, big deal. Logan wasn’t acting like it was a little thing, however. WHY?

Logan chewed his lip, and his eyes glazed as he thought about something. “Yes. Okay, so there is not an easy way to say this. So I will simply state it.”

Thomas cocked his head. “Okay?”

“You and I are clones along with the others.”

Thomas blinked.

What?

He snickered. “Yeah, funny. I didn’t take you as the practical joke guy. Now, what’s the deal? What was it, quadruplets? I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“If this is all, it would be quintuplets, actually,” Logan said. “Roman is also one of us.”

Thomas’s mind skipped a few tracks before he forced himself to just accept that. “Five. Five kids.”

“Yes, or we would be if we were born normally. But we were not. I have done the tests and the signs are quite obvious when you are looking for them. For one, we are not all exactly the same age, in fact, there are several month gaps between all of us. Also, there is a genetic signature which simply does not exist in nature. I could say more, but I imagine there is little likelihood of you believing me and I honestly do not have the time. So, if you don’t mind-” He reached for the door but Thomas grabbed his wrist.

“Hey, wait. You can’t just say that and then walk off.”

“Can’t I? I think I am. Right now.” He pulled away from Thomas and started opening the door.

“If you walk out, I’ll follow you.”

That stopped him.

“You must understand, we cannot be seen together. There are people who would…”

Thomas waited. “What? People, who would what?”

Logan pursed his lips, his voice low. “It is sufficient to say that we have disappeared before. Woken up without memory of where we were. When Virgil disappeared, we all assumed he had been... taken. We had found microphones on our phones, in our houses. People were watching us. Studying us. We relocated and thought we had them off of our backs until Virgil disappeared.”

Thomas could feel the blood draining from his face.

The process of cloning is actually quite simple, someone had told him once. They do it to animals all the time.

No. He wasn’t actually considering this. But Logan was making sense. Too much sense.

Breathe, Thomas.

“If you ever feel like someone is following you, leave as quickly as possible. I have…” He dug out of his pocket an old flip phone. “Here. Use this to contact us. We have ensured that it isn’t tapped. If anyone calls you, it is one of us. I am… apologetic that this is how things are, but this is how it is. Now, if you have an ounce of sense, you will leave and never contact any of us for your own safety.”

Thomas took the phone dully. He couldn’t think. Every thought was whizzing around too quickly for him to grab hold of.

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Just reevaluating my existence, you know,” Thomas laughed even though nothing was funny. He was dizzy and nauseous but, yeah, whatever.

“I… I have parents. I have a brother. I’m not…”

Logan raised an eyebrow skeptically. “There is a high probability you were adopted.”

And there was another pang right there in his gut. Would his parents really lie to him like that?

Yes.

“I need… air.” Thomas opened the door, and Logan stayed inside the closet, arms crossed. “T-Thanks for the phone, I guess.” Thomas swallowed dryly. OutsideIneedtogetoutside.

He turned to walk away, but Logan grabbed his arm. Thomas looked back, surprised. Something had unexpectedly softened in Logan’s eyes. His shoulders slumped, and he suddenly looked very old and very tired. “I apologize for my bluntness. The search for Virgil has had all of us at our wit's end and… I am grateful that you found him.”

Thomas nodded. “Okay.”

Logan debated inwardly before coming to a decision. “Against my better judgment, I imagine this is difficult for you. You ought to have an official introduction. Perhaps… a meeting between us all can be arranged.”

The thought had Thomas wanting to panic immediately, but he found himself nodding. “I would appreciate that.” He didn’t believe him. Not a chance. But he still wanted to meet the others.

“Good.” Logan glanced out at the hallway. It was still empty. “I will speak to the others and text you the address and time. It will be within the next few days in all probability.”

A meeting. He could… he could do a meeting. Thomas nodded again and Logan let go of him. His, what was he, a brother? His brother fixed his glasses and loosened his tie slightly. “Thank you,” Thomas said.

“You are welcome.”

Next Chapter

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

A Farewell to Tossers (Or ‘Trump is Out: Hooray!’)

TRIGGER WARNING: COVID; Discussion of Racism; ‘It’s the Great Rape Satsuma, Charlie Brown!’

Well then. Trump is no longer President Elect of the United States and the world breathes a sigh of relief. At last, we can all stop worrying that the increasingly unstable leader of the free world is going to blow us all up with nukes because he mistook the big red thermonuclear button for the ‘send’ button on fucking Twitter! It actually feels nice to go back to worrying about more nebulous threats that don’t come with a fuck-ugly face and a dubious web presence attached. This being space-year 2020, we still have to cower in fear of COVID, the collapse of the global economy and a slow, choking death courtesy of a climate and planetary ecology that are frankly sick of our bullshit, but it’s still good to celebrate the fact that there’s one less dangerous, narcissistic prick with serious political power. The last four years have felt like a deeply disturbing docudrama answering the question ‘What if the Annoying Orange Ever Got its Hands on Real Power’, but the nightmare is over now. Well, I say ‘Annoying Orange’. He’s really more of a Rapey Satsuma, but let’s not split hairs of semantics. The tosser’s on his way out and that’s a cause for delight.

Now, obviously, this blog is somewhat overdue. Sorry, humans, but I just haven’t had the time to compose snarky think-pieces on major news items in real time. I’ve been busy being in love with- and making love to- an amazing woman (who’s also my sometime glamorous assistant over on my Youtube channel where I post magic vids), writing four novels, playing through the recent rash of Crash Bandicoot games and trying weed for the first, last and only time in my life (the only effect it had on me was to make me crave Mars Bars, which happens to me on a semi-regular basis anyway). However, don’t mistake my taciturnity for ambiguity! I am overjoyed that America has finally gotten rid of the psychotic Cheesy Whatsit who spent not quite half a decade shitting on the poor and disenfranchised while stumbling disastrously around the international stage like a very stupid, ill-tempered bear that’s suddenly found itself in the middle of a production of The Importance of Being Earnest. Like most of my American readers and probably every sane, right-thinking person outside America, I greeted the news that he was on his way out with a fist-pump and a little dance of happiness. I might have twerked. I can neither confirm nor deny twerking.

But what lessons can we learn from this election and the fact that Trump clawed his way into power in the first place? Surely the last four years weren’t just the result of one nation’s collective brain-fart and their abrupt end nothing more than a spontaneous return to sanity? Well, no. The main reason Trump managed to grab hold of power was because he pretended to care about the American working classes. He didn’t, obviously: as soon as he got into power, he started taking away the social securities on which many of the poorest depend and dismantling their access to healthcare, because he’s a megalomaniacal rich dickhead. But he pretended to care well enough to convince an enormous quantity of people who felt alienated and disenfranchised by modern politics and- in particular- by a version of liberalism that seemed entirely focused on city-dwelling, self-consciously woke hipsters and regarded everyone else as a joke. A large part of the reason Joe Biden was able to wrest power back from the tantrum-throwing saveloy wanker was because he bothered to go out to the most impoverished parts of his country and remind that them that yes, the Democratic party did know they existed and did give a shit. Admittedly, he wasn’t the best candidate for working class voters- that would have been Bernie Sanders- but he was the best guy to get the message across in a way that wouldn’t seem patronising. So, Lesson One: ignore the gargantuan body of unskilled and menial labourers who power your country’s economy only at your own peril.

The second, related lesson should probably be something along the lines of ‘maybe prioritise rigorous analytical thinking as part of your country’s education strategy from a young age’. Seriously, it might seem obvious to you or I that Trump is a dangerous bullshit artist, but he hoodwinked a lot of people. And no, they’re not just naturally, randomly stupid. Okay, some of them are- nature bestows a fresh bounty of total fucking clods on the human race with every new generation, after all. But the point is that natural idiocy doesn’t adequately explain why so many people voted for a twat who clearly didn’t have their best interests at heart. The ability to recognise predatory charlatans is a subset of the ability to think critically about information with which you’re presented. Both the US and the UK education systems fail spectacularly to give people the mental tools they need to do this early on, with a heavier emphasis on learning rote facts and formulas which- while useful- only help to build crystallised intelligence not vital fluid intelligence (one is just stats and dry information, the other is the skills you need to navigate modern civilisation). Because fluid intelligence becomes harder and harder to acquire as one gets older, teaching people critical thinking skills early on is really important. Neither the UK nor US education systems really start to seriously teach it until pupils are almost adolescent, meaning that by the time they get to adulthood, they just don’t have the ability to peer through the miasma of obfuscating horseshit that surrounds most political candidates and accurately assess who is going to fuck them in the gall-bladder least. Biden was able to win this time round partly because he was really good at putting his message in a non-obfuscating way that helped to mobilise people regardless of their level of critical thinking. That’s great for him, and anything that helped oust Trump is a good thing, but it doesn’t address the underlying problem. The underlying problem, of course, is that, so long as education doesn’t take analytical skills seriously, the political system will always favour candidates with big, simple messages over more nuanced politicians with complex and ambiguous views, regardless of who the most qualified person is.

If Lessons One and Two were about understanding why people voted for Trump four years ago and why the didn’t this time, Lesson Three is our big ‘fuck humans’ moment, because one thing the election of Trump made is clear is that racism is alive and well in modern America. Yes, many of his voters were hoodwinked. Yes, many of them were legitimately alienated. But a significant percentage of them were also just xenophobic, racist arseholes who voted for him because they thought he’d get rid of some Mexicans for them. It’s tragic that these attitudes still persist in the modern world, but they do. Worse still, I’m not sure how you could easily address it. Fear and hatred of difference- even if it’s a superficial difference like skin colour or accent- seems to be hardwired into some people. While we can work to build a world where these attitudes aren’t acceptable, so long as we humans think of ourselves as belonging to different nations and groups, it’s almost impossible to extinguish them entirely. We’re just not at the point we need to be at: the point where we think of ourselves as a species with common goals and needs, not a disparate collection of tribes and interest groups. Trump and his election to power were symptomatic of this problem. His recent de-election might help alleviate it for awhile. However, only time and repeated, positive mutual interaction between different groups of people (on both the global and individual level) can ever cure the disease itself. And that shit’s going to take time. There’s years of genocide and exploitation and war and rivalry and mistrust to make up for and, frankly, it’s still going on, which just makes it harder to drag the human race in the right direction.

Fuck, that got deep. This was meant to be a funny, celebratory blog about how we no longer have to put up with that prat Trump, and instead it turned into a lengthy disquisition on the failure of education and the problems inherent in how humans relate to one another through Tajfel’s Social Identity Theory (that’s the whole in-group/out-group/fear-and-distrust-among-nations-and-peoples thing I was going on about). Sorry, folks, sometimes life is just like that: you tune in for laughs and get punched in the dick with a dry, depressing polemic on our failings as a species. Happy 2020, everyone! Anyway, tune in soon for a review of Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time, which I promise not to turn into a didactic on the role of Nietzsche’s hypothetical superman in a civilisation that relies on the suppression of certain, key choices… aaaaaalthough…

[jenni42085]

Week One

Writing Prompt

Topics: Tornado, Candle, & a Holiday

Week One: June 6, 2020

The last few weeks have been more stressful and anxiety ridden than she could ever imagine.  In less than 40 days there have been one to many murders for her taste.  She tried to remain calm, she tried to keep her head up, but the last thing she wanted to do was give up.  Being a black female in America was harder than most thought but still she rose to do something every day whether donating, protesting, or calling someone out for their racist behavior she did something.  

Today was supposed to be one of her favorite holidays, Juneteenth.  It is pretty much the African American Fourth of July having been the day African Americans were emancipated from being slaves.  Usually her day was spent grilling out, dancing traditional dances, and enjoying her time with her diverse community of friends.  But this year was different.  This year there would be no cooking out, no dancing, no nothing to celebrate, because right now all her friends and herself could think about is the state of the nation and the state of the world.  

Corona virus had already taken over and changed the way everyone was living with social distancing, wearing masks, and everyone being quarantined.  The only “blessing” in disguise and she uses it very loosely because police brutality is NEVER a good thing.  That with the protesting going on she was at least able to go out but still had to worry about people and if they had been exposed to it, but she would rather die fighting against oppression then do nothing.

She sat quietly at the local coffee shop waiting on her friend to join her.  Since some of the restrictions have been lifted she decided to talk to her semi close friend regarding her recent posts.  The pair had met years ago at the hospital where they both worked and both girls were polar opposites, but had a decent friendship with tons of adventures.

She being pretty liberal and very open minded to everyone and everything while Leah was quite conservative with only dealing with new things if she was exposed to it.  Over the last few year Leah’s attitude and personality was no longer meshing with her own and as much as it pains her, she is seeing that their friendship has run its course.

Leah hadn’t done anything wrong specifically but her posts on Facebook was honestly a slap in the face.  She always says how much she loves her “black bestie” but her actions and posts are saying something completely different.  Leah had told her that her and husband were going to open their relationship in the form of threesomes.  Hearing this kind of shocked her since was his third marriage and her first and after years of saying she was not into the “dark meat” she was talking about adding a black man into the mix.  That was perplexing to her.  How do you lust and want to have sex with a black person but, have no desire to help fight for the oppression they face?  Before she could think anymore about it.

“Hey Luna!  How are you doing girlie?”  Leah asked her happily looking optimistic.

Luna looked up from her coffee with an unsure smile.  “Ummm, I’m ok.  I just wanted to talk to you on neutral ground about some stuff.”  

Leah’s face fell a little bit unsure of what had to be discussed, before anything was said she slid the candle over to Luna.  “I know how much you love candles and glitter and ‘Glitter Storm’ sounded like a candle you needed.

“Thanks, it’s cute.”  Looking at the candle realizing that it was exactly what she would love and need in her craft room.  It was a large 3-wick metallic silver candle with tons of opal glitter everywhere in it.  “Just wanted to get some things off my chest.  Your posts lately  honestly are offensive and piss me off to no end.  I love you but I think this friendship is coming to an end.  Tired of feeling like your token black friend to make you feel like you aren’t racist.  And I’m tired of being silent about it.  If things aren’t going to change, I don’t want to be associated with you anymore.”  

As she said everything without a pause, she watched Leah’s body language change from happy, to shocked, then anger, and finally sadness.  She wasn’t honestly expecting to be able to say everything but it came out with ease.  Saying everything that has been bothering felt like a weight was lifted off of her chest.  And it being Juneteenth was the prefect day to be emancipated from the friend who wasn’t a real friend.

“Wow.  Ok, can’t say that I saw this coming.  I just don’t think ‘Black Lives Matters’ is good for the nation.”

“Which is fine if you feel that way, but it isn’t fine to our friendship.  I’ll miss all the good times but when it comes down to it, I’m black and if my people dying because of police brutality doesn’t bother you because you are more worried about things that can be replaced then I know if it was me, you wouldn’t care.  Also for someone who is wanting to sleep with a black man, you would think that you would have some kind of empathy for us.  But clearly this is just a fetish for you.”

Leah looked at Luna and honestly didn’t know what to say. She felt attacked and hurt that Luna couldn’t just ignore it and be friends with her.   But Leah was facing the reality that this was Luna’s breaking point.  She had to admit that they don’t hang anymore since they have been married and that they barely text each outside of holidays so, their friendship had indeed faded.  Both were probably at fault for not talking like they use to but the racism was the wedge in their friendship that couldn’t be ignored anymore..

Unsure if there was any way to save the friendship she just looked her Luna and nodded as she was going to say something but then suddenly sirens started ringing out across the city.  Tornado.  The weather forecast was supposed to be rain and wind but nothing about a tornado.  Both girls had a wave of fear rush through them as the sirens rung out.  They looked at each other one last time and gave a faint smile as they quickly left the coffee shop to their respective cars.  Leaving right now felt so wrong but at the same time the perfect time to end things with out it getting indignant in public.

The sky was turning from a pale blue to a dark gray and the wind was starting to pick up, leaves and debris were whirling around the parking lot.  People were running for shelter as quick as possible.  With a small wave and smile with tears in her eyes Luna yelled, “Be safe and I love you.”

Leah nodded her head with tears also saying, “I love you too.  Be safe.”  Hurt and sadness filled both as they drove to their respective homes.  Neither had texted each other to make sure the other got home safely, so Luna had thought that Leah had but it was just the end of their friendship.

The next evening Luna was able to see the tornado’s damage, her cell phone service and electricity was finally back up and running so she was able to check her messages and see if everyone was okay.  Thankful that her house was untouched compared to what others had to deal with.  

As her message were finally getting caught up two messages caught her attention.  One from Leah and one from an unknown number.  

MSG from Leah: Sorry about not being a better friend to you.  Sorry for not trying to open up and understand where you are coming from and why you hurt.  You are my best friend and I should have done better at relating to you instead of fighting against it.  Please forgive me, I hope after all of this we can try to work things out and help me grow into a more open person who wants to help her oppressed friends no longer be oppressed.

Luna read the message in shock as to what was said.  She hadn’t honestly expecting anything from Leah other than a good bye, but with that message she felt hope.  As she was debating on what to write back, the second text message made her heart fall into her stomach.  

MSG from Unknown:  Hey it’s Leah’s sister, Anna.  I don’t know if you heard or not but Leah didn’t make it home.  She was in a car wreck and was rushed to the hospital and sadly didn’t make it.  I’m sorry.  Call me later.  Stay safe.

Tears filled her eyes as she realized her friend was no longer in the land of the living.  Her heart was sad, but happy that her friend was trying to change for the better at the very end.  She went to her bag and pulled out the large glitter candle that was given to her yesterday.  Finally smelling the candle comforted her with a sweet cake batter scent that was always her favorite.  Leah really did know her.

As she curled up in her wicker egg chair with a cup of tea she reflected on this first Juneteenth of 20’s, while she lost her friend, she thought of the last message she had received from her.  The candle from Leah burned bright and made her feel hopeful that the things to come will get better and that people could possibly change.  

[ladyvialana]

Voltron On Ice!!! or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Season 4

So, unlike last season, this season I’m going a bit more in depth with my reaction. And a lot more meta. (A bit like the show, I guess.) There will be two posts to this review/analysis: this post, which is a more general reaction/analysis regarding particular things; and the second post, which will delve into the characters from team Voltron and how this season has affected/developed them.

There will be three parts to this post: a general look at the structure of season 4 in relation to the whole series, discussion about Lotor (and the other main antagonists) and a more analytical look at episode 4, since I actually really liked it and everyone else seems to hate it.

TL;DR: I really liked this season and think we are in for a fantastic ride with the rest of the show. It is kind of all action, little progress this season, but there is still quite important plot and character development and also great insight into world building.

Let’s dig in!

(Fair warning, this is actually quite long for a discussion post (2k words!). And there are no images to break it up. Sorry!)

First up, let me get the whole reaction to the seasonal structure out of the way.

This season, much like season 3, works on its own as a whole. But there is merit to the argument that they should have been released together. For season 1 and 2, structurally, we seemed to have more character/lighthearted episodes in the first half of the season and the back half of the season was faster and more plot-heavy. Structurally, season 3 mimics that character-heavy beginning of a “full” season and season 4 mimics the plot-heavy “back end”. This definitely plays havoc on the pacing of both seasons. However, unlike the earlier seasons, there are two distinct plot arcs which separate the seasons and also a major time gap that separates them (during which some plot and character development happens which I will mention in the second post). Also, in terms of overall focus, they are actually quite distinct. So, while there probably was some fiddling up at a higher level coming into play with the releasing of the episode like this, I still think it works.

Getting into more of a discussion about the focus/driving force of each season, Season 1 was an introductory/training season where we got to know the characters and see them develop their skills and bond with each other so they could challenge the big boss at the end. The overarching goal of the season was to get to Zarkon and fight (and lose, and learn from that loss to come back stronger). Season 2 was about muddying the waters a bit and introducing new elements/allies - it’s sowing the seeds for the rebellion/alliance. It was building up a stronger force to come back to fight the big boss again and actually win this time because the team had learned and knew what they were doing now and had support. Season 3, in a way, mirrored season 1 in that the team was unsettled after a major change to the status quo and they had new members and new positions and new responsibilities. It was about them coming together to form a new team and taking on a new boss (and losing again, sort of; they definitely didn’t win) and learning more about each other and themselves in the process. Season 4 mimics season 2 in that they have to build up their alliance and strengths again, but unlike season 2 (in the same way that season 3 doesn’t completely mirror season 1) the destabilisation of the team that happened at the beginning of the season was not fixed and, as a result, they almost lost completely to the big boss of the season (survived only due to an outside force - kind of like Thace’s intervention in season 1, but far more sinister in implication).

Season 1 was about coming together and learning. Season 2 was about building strength and understanding. Season 3 was about rebuilding and moving forward.

Season 4 was all about deconstruction and expansion. Unlike other seasons, season 4 was not always positive or progressive and, narratively, that’s not a bad thing. In fact it’s very much needed, especially in a show like this. Our heroes need to be challenged and need to fail at times so they can come back stronger. Season 4 was actually quite dark in some ways and, despite it being very plot-driven, had some fantastic character developments which I will talk about below and more in my second post.

Okay! Next: let’s talk bad guys!

I enjoyed Lotor a lot more this season. I think in season 3, he managed to get everything he wanted far too easily. But this season was all about him hitting stumbling blocks and finding ways to get back up after being knocked from his path. I think that determination to succeed at his goals whatever the cost was actually shown properly and seeing him forced to react and think on his feet (and his utter ruthlessness in his actions) was brilliant. I’m really intrigued where they’re going to go with him from after the end of the season and how team Voltron will react to him and his offer of “discussion”.

Just as a further point though, I do not believe Lotor is getting a redemption arc (or, at the very least, this is not the start of a potential redemption arc). Just because he might be more sympathetic to the audience does not mean he will be redeemed. He is not joining team Voltron for altruistic reasons, nor is it some aim at self-improvement or a desire to change. He didn’t see the actions of his side as horrendous or too much for him to handle, he just saw an opportunity to get back at Haggar and maybe get some (disposable) allies on side at least temporarily while he gets back up from the fall from his/the generals’ actions and get some distance between him and Zarkon. The middle of camp Voltron is probably the safest place for him given he is now enemy number 1 in the Galra Empire (and if he can convince a few gullible people to sacrifice themselves/turn to team Lotor for his sake, then all the better for his end goal). Lotor had a setback but he is conniving and holds his own self-interest above all else. If helping team Voltron helps him then he’ll do it for as long as it serves his purpose; if he helps them in spite of his own self-interest, only then will it be the first step. But, as at the end of season 4, there is (barely) a potential opportunity for that first step towards redemption (or an opportunity for Lotor to kill everyone in their sleep and steal away with the castle and the lions - whatever gets him what he wants). I just don’t see it happening and think it would be a waste of a rather effective and three-dimensional villain.

Honestly, and very unexpectedly, the one I’m rooting for to get a (semi-)redemption arc is Haggar. Though, redemption may be the wrong word for it. That scene at the beginning of episode 3 where she’s looking at Honerva’s face was haunting and I feel a great foreboding in regards to her overall character arc/endgame. She definitely is the one holding way more cards than anyone else regarding the corruption of quintessence and I genuinely believe that she will be key to the final endgame climax regarding dealing with that major plot point. She’s important - way more important than Zarkon and even Lotor - to the final showdown and overarching plot.

Zarkon is still kind of one-note, though (but it’s a very menacing note) and I’m interested to see how far this further “de-humanisation” (for lack of a better word) is going to affect his existence and goals. How much of the Zarkon we saw in flashback is even still in this being?

I’m not sure how to take the actions of Lotor’s (former) generals. As with Lotor, it’s interesting to see them showing fear and weakness as well as solidarity in the face of what seems like their leader’s insanity. But surely they had to know the kind of person Lotor was when they joined up with him. Maybe they did romanticise him too much (Acxa certainly did) so I really want to see how they’re dealing with, essentially, all of their hopes and futures destroyed. (I mean, good decision making on their part to not stay with the guy who might turn on them at any point without warning. At least their survival instincts are intact if nothing else.)

Finally on this post, a look at a particularly hated aspect of the season (that I actually liked).

Now, I didn’t want to delve into the episodes individually too much given that I was really looking to analyse the season as a whole through the characters in my second post, but I did want to have a brief (ha!) discussion about episode 4 just to finish off this first general post.

Just as a quick note: I am not trying to present anyone’s thoughts/opinions/feelings about this episode as invalid. I’m just presenting my personal thoughts on the episode and explaining why I actually like it. You are under no obligation to agree with my reading of the text; I do understand and sympathise with why people don’t like this episode.

So, in saying that: unlike basically everyone else in the fandom, I genuinely loved this episode. I thought it was funny and entertaining and it was also one of the most uncomfortable episodes of the series so far. It is fantastic metatextual presentation of the show’s interaction with both the execs/TPTB and the more inflexible and outspoken fans. It’s about breaking expectations through self-parody while also presenting a really powerful message about the power of propaganda. You are meant to feel uncomfortable about this episode; it’s designed to make you think critically about the show and how you watch/interact with it. For all that, it’s surprisingly less judgemental than I’d expected (given how I’ve seen this play out in other shows/fandoms before) and presents more of a criticism of the actual construction/distribution of the show than the reception/fandom. In some ways it’s a lighthearted joke at itself and the various criticisms of the show (Hunk being portrayed as a joke was meant to be uncomfortable - the distillation of the characters down to one-note ideas is meant to be a commentary on marketing and mass-production and the way the execs push certain agendas despite good and effective storytelling *cough*Shiro’s early return and toy sales*cough*).

This episode as a whole is meant to leave a sour taste in your mouth - the propaganda (critical reception/fan interaction) worked; Coran doing drugs to ensure the show/war effort’s success was ultimately given a retroactive pass given that the end (disturbingly) seemed to justify the means; they didn’t even really defeat the monster, just kicked it away to not even deal with later. Everyone (aside from Lance maybe) was exhausted by the whole situation but did it just to get the numbers they needed for the rebellion and it worked. Rising body count  in this season aside, this episode really pushed home that they are fighting a war and they will use every weapon in their arsenal to win. War is just as much manipulation of news and images and facts as it is killing people. Coran’s story (the Legend of Voltron) is what people will remember, not the actual facts. This is the truth of their rebellion now and they’re going to have to live with this presentation of their struggle in the future no matter how (seemingly) benign the exaggeration. The episode’s overly humorous (almost frenetic) tone strikes a completely discordant note with the rest of the (actually quite dark and serious) season. The contrast between the laser shows/ice skating/Lance’s aerial acrobatics and the fact that we saw actual on screen deaths throughout the season and witnessed Voltron being particularly brutal while fighting in the season finale just makes it all the more striking. The deaths and seriousness hold more weight because of this contrast but the laughter is also far brighter in turn. Because, despite the fact that (as we are very aware) propaganda can be used for terrible purposes, this episode proves that Voltron is the greatest symbol for hope for the universe and has been sorely needed.

Now, I’m not trying to present this episode as perfect or argue that you have to like it. This episode is disliked by many people for many reasons and everyone’s feelings about it are valid. I just wanted to present an alternate viewpoint. You don’t have to agree with me or take anything I’ve said as gospel truth. Even if you read this and think I have a point but you still don’t like the episode: thank you for at least reading this far.

So, these are just a few things that I wanted to discuss before getting to the character stuff in my next post I really wanted to delve into after season 4. I hope people enjoyed reading it (even if you disagree with everything I said). Feel free to message me/reblog/comment if you like. (I’m a little unsure how to end this - I tend not to start discussions; usually I’m just sliding over some fic and then scuttling back to my hiding place.)

See you in the next post!

[worthlesspride]

For the fic related requests, the first thing that came to my mind was Oikawa making Iwaizumi watch one of his k-dramas. Those two watching Makki and Mattsun was one of my fave bits of the fic :) I'd also love to know what makes Iwa call Makki and Mattsun super romantic! I'm also super curious about Oikawa and Semi in the past and also the idea of Semi trying to train Goshiki really tickles me.. I'm going to stop now.. suffice to say I loved WYCF and look forward to anything extra!

Thanks so much for the ask! I think I’ve covered everything. They’re all below, in no particular order. I had to do a cut because I wrote you several essays. 

Semifrowned down at the drink in his hand. He already felt the threads of hispatience unraveling. “Tsutomu?”

           “Yes!”

           “What drink did I ask for?”

           “A tequila sunrise!”

           Semi cut his eyes up to Goshiki, wholooked as if he was holding his breath as he awaited Semi’s response. “What isthis?”

           Goshiki looked at the drink and thenback up at Semi. “It’s a… a tequila sunrise?”

           “Are you asking me or telling me?”

           Goshiki’s face fell. “I don’t know?”            Semi closed his eyes and tooka breath.

           He still wasn’t sure why Ushijimahad thought it was a good idea for him to train Goshiki. His temper was notsuited for this. “What kind of liquor is in this, Tsutomu?”

           “Vodka?”

           “It’s a tequila sunrise,” snappedSemi. He put the drink down on the bar a little too hard; a bit of alcoholsloshed over. “Tequila. Why would youput vodka in a tequila sunrise?”

           Goshiki flinched back and stutteredover himself. “I-I am sorry, Semi-san! I didn’t mean to! I thought… Okay,tequila, okay. Please let me try it again! I promise I can do it! I am sorry!”

           “Stop yelling,” said Semi. The drinkhad spilled over onto his fingers and he wiped them on the leg of his pants.“It’s fine. You’ve only been doing this for a week. It’s okay to makemistakes.”

           Even if those mistakes were thedumbest ones Semi had ever seen.

           He took another breath and tried tocalm himself even more. He couldn’t lose his temper on Goshiki. He didn’t thinkthe kid would ever recover.        

           “I’m sorry,” said Goshiki again. Helowered his voice only slightly.

           “Just go read through the studyguide I made you,” said Semi. “We open in less than an hour. It’s Friday, soit’s going to be too busy for me to do everything myself. I’m going to needyou, Tsutomu.”

           Goshiki lit up like a Christmas treeand returned to full volume. “Yes! You can count on me, Semi-san!” He turned onhis heel so quickly that he nearly stumbled and rushed off toward the back ofthe building.

           Semi propped his elbows on the bar,hid his face in his hands, and breathed a sigh of exasperation.

           Footsteps approached, and longfingers danced lightly up the length of Semi’s spine.

           Semi didn’t flinch. “What?”

           “Look at you, raising up ourprecious baby bird,” cooed Tendou. His fingers went higher, threading gentlyinto Semi’s hair. “He’ll be ready to leave the nest any time now.”

           “If I don’t end up killing himfirst.”

           “Now, now,” said Tendou, the grinevident in his voice. “You know you like Tsutomu. It’s impossible not to likehim.”

           “I like him alright,” said Semi.“It’s just having to deal with him that’s the problem.”

           Tendou’s hand fell away. He leanedback against the bar. “You’re doing fine. He’ll be slinging drinks like aprofessional in no time.”

           Semi dropped his arms and stood straight,frowning up at Tendou. “Some people are unteachable. He might be one of them.”

           “You’re being dramatic.”

           “A tequila sunrise,” said Semi,gesturing toward the drink on the bar. There were several other mixed cocktailsscattered about, all of them made improperly. “With vodka.”

           Tendou shrugged. “Sounds alright tome.”

           “I think our customers won’t agree.”

           Tendou reached up to flick a pieceof hair away from Semi’s forehead. “I think you worry too much, Semi-Semi.”

           Semi scowled at him.

           “Anyway,” said Tendou, “isn’t itbetter to deal with Tsutomu than Shirabu?”

           Semi barely held back a twitch.“Yeah, I guess.”

           “It’s fine,” said Tendou. He took astep forward, into Semi’s personal space, and grinned down at him. “Besides,you’re the best bartender I know. If anyone can train Tsutomu, it’s you.”

           Semi rolled his eyes, but his badattitude weakened as Tendou leaned closer, his breath sweeping across Semi’slips. “You know what Ushijima said about PDA at the club.”

           “I don’t see Ushijima,” said Tendou,slipping a hand around Semi’s waist. “Do you?”

           Semi’s mouth tugged into a smirk. Hetilted his head back, felt the first brush of Tendou’s lips, and then:

           “Semi-san! I have a question!”

           Tendou stepped back, and Semi took acleansing breath.

           He couldn’t lose his temper. If heyelled at Goshiki, the kid would be crushed.

           Goshiki was trying. He couldn’t helpit.

           “What, Tsutomu?”

           Tendou smiled, more softly thanusual. “You’re doing great, Semi-Semi,” he said quietly, as Goshiki half-joggedtoward them. “I’m so proud.”

           Semi rolled his eyes, but couldn’thelp the soft warmth in his cheeks as he turned away to help Goshiki.

Why Iwaizumi thinks Makki and Mattsun are too romantic: 

1. Ontheir two-month anniversary, Matsukawa sent roses to Hanamaki while he was onshift. It was a classic bouquet of a dozen red roses, and the card was a simplecollection of XOXOs.

 2.They got matching tattoos. When Iwaizumi asked, Hanamaki agreed to show him. Hestarted to push his pants down, and Iwaizumi decided he didn’t want to know,after all.

3.They use disgusting pet names for each other; sweet cake, cherry blossom,sunshine, doll face, sugar lips.

4. Anytime they get coffee, Matsukawa always has the barista draw a little heart inthe foam of Hanamaki’s drink.

5. Onetime, Mattsun was so focused on his phone that he completely ignored everythingIwaizumi was saying. Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder and found a screenful ofhim arguing back and forth with Makki about who loved each other the most.

6.Hanamaki sent Matsukawa identical roses on their three month anniversary, withanother collections of XOXOs.

7. Duringshift change, they leave obnoxious notes for each other on the patrol roombulletin board.

8.Once, Hanamaki left his phone at Iwaizumi’s place. Iwaizumi picked it up tosend Mattsun a text to come get it, and was greeted by a history of sexting thatincluded detailed descriptions of touching each others’ faces and discussinghow beautiful each of them were. Iwaizumi barely stopped himself from throwingthe phone in the garbage.

9.When Oikawa dragged them all to karaoke, Hanamaki serenaded Matsukawa with thesappiest love songs that Iwaizumi had ever heard.

10.Once, Iwaizumi received a picture message from Matsukawa, followed immediatelyby an urgent text of “THAT WAS MEANT FOR MAKKI. DON’T OPEN IT.” Iwaizumiintended to delete it, because he had no interest in seeing Matsukawa’s dick.Oikawa insisted, and they were gifted by a picture of Matsukawa’s bathroommirror, steamed over from a hot shower, little hearts and doodles drawn in thesteam.

((Allof these things are done intentionally because Makki and Mattsun get greatpleasure from Iwaizumi’s reactions.))

Althoughhe didn’t like to admit it, Oikawa knew exactly what Semi was doing.

           He’d known for a while; much longerthan he cared to think about. He’d denied it for so long that he’d nearlyconvinced himself it wasn’t happening, but some things were impossible toignore.

           Finding a stash of cocaine in hiskitchen cabinet was one of those things.

           Oikawa had been quite calm about it,because although he’d been in denial, he’d already known. It wasn’t a surprise.

           He’d taken the drugs out of thecabinet, calmly walked into the bathroom, and dumped the powder in the toilet. Aftera single flush, there was no proof that the cocaine had ever existed. He buriedthe bag at the bottom of the garbage can and went about his day as if nothinghad happened.

           He was calm about it, but Semicertainly was not.

           Semi came home late, which had beenhappening more and more often. Oikawa heard him come in and open therefrigerator. There was beer, but Semi probably didn’t grab one. He had beendrinking less; likely because he’d replaced the need for alcohol with the needfor something else. There was the sound of a cabinet opening, a long pause, andthen the cabinet door slammed shut so loudly that Oikawa winced.

           Footsteps stomped closer and Oikawaresumed brushing his teeth, staring blankly at himself in the bathroom mirror.Semi threw the door open as Oikawa spat in the sink, the taste of minttoothpaste clinging to his tongue.

           “Welcome home, Semi-chan,” saidOikawa, forcing a smile. It looked out of place on his face, like someone hadjammed a puzzle piece into the wrong place. “How was your day?”

           “What the fuck, Tooru?”

           “Not so good, then,” said Oikawa. Heleaned close to the mirror and pulled his lips back to check his teeth.

           Semi grabbed his shoulder and spunhim around, slapping his hands onto the sink on either side of Oikawa, caginghim in. Semi was a little shorter, but the intensity of his glare made up forthe difference. “What. The. Fuck.”

           Oikawa kept his face impassive,though his heart thundered in his chest. “You’re going to have to be morespecific, Semi-chan. You’re not giving me much to work with here.”

           “Where is it?”

           Oikawa tilted his head. His bloodran hot with panic, but he made himself raise a causal brow. “Where is what?”

           “Don’t play dumb with me,” snarledSemi. “Where the fuck is it?”

           Oikawa had only seen Semi like thisa handful of times.

           All of them had been in the pastmonth.

           “I’m still not certain what youmean,” said Oikawa, “but if you’re talking about the drugs that you draggedinto my apartment without my permission, then consider them gone.”

           Semi’s face contorted, scowldeepening, eyes flashing. He pulled back, fists tight at his sides, and for afleeting second Oikawa thought he was going to hit him.

           Then Semi turned on his heel andtook a single step away. “This isn’t your apartment,” he snapped. “We livedhere together, Tooru.”

           “That doesn’t mean you can stashyour drugs here. I’ve told you I’m not okay with this.”

           “And I’ve told you it’s not a bigdeal,” said Semi. He turned back toward Oikawa, and his expression was only alittle tamer. “I’m only selling to make some quick cash. We can barely affordto pay rent. I want us to have nice shit, you know? I want to get a nice place,and a car, and not have to worry about scraping together enough to eat for theweek. Once we’re okay I’ll stop.”

           “We’re okay now,” said Oikawa. Hewanted to step closer, but he was a little wary. He cared about Semi, but whenhe got like this, he was a little frightening. “Everything is fine, Eita. I’mhappy the way we are. I don’t need anything else.”

           “Well I do,” snapped Semi. “I wantmore. We deserve more, and I’m going to get it for us. I’ll stop soon, okay?”

           “Selling it is one thing,” saidOikawa, quietly, “but using it is a different story. You’ve got to stop doingthat now, Eita. It’s messing with you.”

           “I’m not using,” said Semi. Thewords were angry, bitter. “I might take a bump every now and then but it’s nota big deal. It’s not like I’m addicted or anything.”

           Oikawa should have swallowed hisnext words. “Then why are you so upset that your stash is gone?”

           Semi looked up at him, and his glarewas poison. “Because you need to stay out of my shit. It’s not your business,Tooru. Don’t fucking do it again.”

           He stormed toward the bathroom door.

           “Where are you going?” said Oikawa,following despite himself.

           “Don’t worry about it.”

           Oikawa stumbled into the living roomjust as Semi slipped back into his shoes. “You’re going to get more, aren’tyou?” said Oikawa. “You can’t stand the thought of going a night without it. Doyou see what you’re doing to yourself, Eita?”

           “Fuck you,” snapped Semi. “You don’tknow anything about it.” He slung the door open, but hesitated before hestepped outside. He looked over his shoulder at Oikawa and said, “I’ll be backlater.” He paused, considered, and added, gruffly, “I love you.”

           Oikawa felt his heart break in hischest. His throat went tight and the tears pressed at his eyes, but he simplyshook his head and said, “Yeah, sure. I love you, too.”

           Then Semi was gone, and Oikawa droppedonto the couch and sobbed.

           Oikawa should leave. He knew heshould. Everything between them was wrong lately. The drugs were the problem,and Semi clearly wasn’t going to stop using them anytime soon. It was in hisbest interest to get out before things got worse.

           He wiped at his eyes and took ashuddering breath.

           He should leave, but he couldn’t.

           Oikawa thought about when he and Semihad first started dating, and the way Semi looked at him like he was somethingto be admired. He thought about all the flowers Semi had bought him, which hadbeen dried out and preserved in a wooden box in the wardrobe. He thought aboutthe way Semi had held his hand and smiled at him and kissed him like he was somethingto cherish.

           Oikawa should leave, but he caredtoo much about Semi to do it.

           Maybe things would get better.

           Maybe they would go back to normal.

           …and maybe they would only getworse.

           It was a good thing Iwaizumi lovedOikawa so much.

           If he hadn’t, he was pretty sure hewould’ve hated the moron.

           Oikawa gasped much too dramaticallyfor the situation and seized Iwaizumi’s arm in a death grip. “Iwa-chan! Hedidn’t die in the car crash! He came back!”

           Iwaizumi looked at him blankly, thenslowly returned his focus to the TV screen.

           This drama was the singular mostidiotic thing Iwaizumi had ever seen, and he’d seen a lot of stupid things.            

           “Of course he came back,” saidIwaizumi. “They all come back. It’s the same characters doing the same thingsover and over again. Don’t you think it’s a little bit predictable?”

           “How dare you.”

           “I’m just saying, these shitty soapoperas are-”

           “Don’t finish that sentence,Iwa-chan.” Oikawa folded his arms with a huff. He tried to scowl, but it lookedmore like a pout. “This is prime entertainment. It’s a masterpiece.”

           Iwaizumi fought against an eye rolland barely won. He settled more comfortably into the couch and bumped hisshoulder against Oikawa’s. “Fine. It’s a great show. I love it.”

           Oikawa slipped him a sidewaysglance. “Don’t patronize me.”

           “I’m not.” He tugged at Oikawa’scrossed arms, freeing one of his hands and fitting their fingers together. “Ifit makes you happy I like it. It’s fine.”

           Oikawa’s pout lessened. He squeezedIwaizumi’s hand and again focused on the television. “I wonder how his daughterwill react. She should be happy, but then again, the sex scandal he had beforethe wreck might have pushed her away.”

           “Doesn’t really matter,” saidIwaizumi with a shrug. “There’s no way that’s his actual daughter. Her dad isthat guy with the bad haircut. Her mom had a secret affair with him fifteenyears ago.”

           Oikawa turned his head slowly, hisface blank. “No, she didn’t.”

           “Well they haven’t admitted it yet,but it definitely happened. It’s all in the context. Remember that conversationthey had a few episodes ago? They dropped hints all over the place.”

           Oikawa’s mouth fell open. “What thehell, Iwa-chan? You’re spoiling the show!”

           “I’m not spoiling it if it’sobvious.”

           “It’s not obvious! Get out of myhouse.”

           “I live here, too.”

           “Getout of my house.”

           Iwaizumi snorted and wrapped an armaround Oikawa’s shoulders. Oikawa resisted the embrace, but the struggle washalfhearted. He sank into Iwaizumi’s side with a huff.

           “I hate you, Iwa-chan.”

           “Love you too, Tooru.”

[maealbert]

Pick One.

AU Characters: Luke Alvez x Reader Requested: Yes

By who: @milkandcookies528

 "Ooh can you do one with Luke where he's in love with two girls and can't seem to choose bc one is beautiful, kind, caring, smart, is great friends with the team and listens to Luke when he's upset but the other girl is the complete opposite (except for being beautiful and smart)? And the team tries to help. Thank you.🙂"

A/N: Got asked my lovely friend, Tori, if requests are open. The answer to that is YES! Requests are currently open! You can request ‘reader insert’ with any CM character PAST or PRESENT!

A/N (part 2): THE READER IS THE ‘BEAUTIFUL, KIND, CARING, SMART, GREAT FRIENDS WITH TEAM, LISTENS TO LUKE’ GIRL

A/N: (part 3): Sorry that it took me a while to get this up. but here it is!!! :)

Master List

Luke sat at his desk scrolling back and forth between your photo and the other girl he’s been seeing. It was a difficult choice for him to choose which one he’s rather be with. He’d been with both women the last couple months. He’d spend every morning and afternoon with you before going to the other girl at night. He loved both of you but couldn’t bare to break one of your hearts.

He saw you as this loving, caring person who was very close with the his team. That was an important quality he wanted to find in someone. He wanted someone who would like his friends, care for them just like he cares for the person he loves. He finds you so attractive and can’t help but tell you that you’re beautiful. He’ll send it in a text message or maybe send a bouquet of flowers to your apartment with a note attached expressing how much he loves and beautiful you are. Or maybe he’d leave a short voice message on your phone each morning he’s away from telling you good morning and that you’re beautiful even though he can’t see you. He likes how smart you are. He’s convinced that you’re related to Spencer, even though both you and Spencer tell him that you aren’t related. He even appreciates how you listen to him when he talks, whether that be listening to him ranting for hours on end, needing to get a previous case off of his mind, or just someone to talk to about whatever his brain keeps him thinking about. Sometimes he’ll tell you about the nightmares he still gets from his time in the Army. You tell him every time he apologizes for making you listen for so long that you’d listen to him for as long as he needs to talk. And it wasn’t just you listening to endless words spilling out of his voice and nodding your head. It was you sitting there on the couch, the bed, wherever you two would be listening carefully to every word that he spoke. You would respond back to him in between his pauses to ask him questions about it made him feel or what he thought it means to him. And again you were that loving, caring person he saw you as.

Now the other girl. Her name is Rachel. She’s quite the opposite of you. He loves Rachel for her smile and her bright blue eyes that he could get lost in. To him she’s a wonderful lady. But to her he’s only the man she has sex with at night. She only wants him to make herself feel good. She really only cares about herself. He’s spoken about her to you. So knew a little about her. She is smart but not as smart as you. She is beautiful from a picture you’ve seen of her. Sometimes it makes you self conscious because you’re afraid he’ll choose her over you. You were respectful, she wasn’t afraid of stating her opinions no matter how harsh they could be.

So who would he choose? Who would be that lucky girl? Part you wanted that girl to be you but the other part of you wanted to just stay friends. You were afraid of losing your friendship with Luke. He was a good friend of yours and you couldn’t bare to lose him.

“What’re you looking?” JJ asked as she leaned on Luke’s desk. He closed the photo app locking his phone and lifted his head to look up at JJ.

“Uh, just going through emails.” He said sitting up in his chair.

“Can’t decide which girl to pick, huh?” She said folding her arms across her chest.

“How’d you know?”

“Every time you scrolled on your phone you sighed. Is it really that hard to decide?” She said.

“Yes actually.”

“Tell you what..” JJ said. “Make a list of pro’s and con’s for both girls. Whoever has the most pro’s and the most important qualities that you desire than that your girl.”

“That’s a good idea.” He said reaching for a notepad and pen from the top drawer of his desk.

“But if you just want me to choose, I pick (Y/N).” JJ said holding her hand to her chest. “She’s so perfect and elegant. Really caring. Rachel... Geesh..”

“What’s going on over here?” Rossi said as she joined the two agents with a steamy cup of coffee in his hand.

“Luke is having trouble deciding between (Y/N) and Rachel.” JJ explained. “I told him to make a list of pro’s and con’s for each.”

“Oh forget the list.” Rossi said shaking his head. “I’m Team (Y/N) all the way.”

“I think everybody is Team (Y/N).” Penelope said walking by. “It’s a no brainer.” She added before knocking on Emily’s office door.

“Team (Y/N) all the way.” Spencer said rolling his chair over to Luke’s desk. “She’s perfect for you. She gets you unlike Rachel. What do you even see in her anyways besides how good she is in bed?”

“There’s something about Rachel that just tugs at my heart but with (Y/N), it’s all about just being together. She doesn’t throw herself at me, but instead she just wants to really dig deep into me. She doesn’t beg me to have sex, she doesn’t make herself look desperate to get my attention. She gets my attention just by being herself.”

“Yeah I think you’ve gotten this figured out.” Rossi said patting Luke’s shoulder. Spencer smiled shaking his head. JJ ripped out the notepad paper and crumbled it up into a ball and tossing into the trash bin. “You should go get her.”

“But she’s already heading for the airport. She’s leaving for Manhattan to visit her old friend from high school. She says he’s back from Kenya.” Luke said leaning back into his chair.

“Well go after her.” JJ said pulling Luke out of his desk chair. “Go catch her before she boards the plane. Don’t lose her to an old high school friend.”

“You’re right..” Luke said picking up his bag. “I’ll let you guys know how it goes.” He rushes out of the bullpen and eagerly presses the elevator button multiple times. Pulling up to the airport entrance he jumps out of his car and rushes inside to find you. Looking down at his watch he sees that he has ten minutes to find you before you board your flight.

You hear a woman’s voice speak over the intercom calling out your flight number. “Flight 45 to New York City boarding now.” You stand up from your seat grabbing your bags and making your way through the full hallways to the gates. You didn’t want to leave but what was the point in staying if he was going to choose Rachel? There was no way you could bare with heart break of losing the man you love to a woman who only wants him for his smooth moves in bed. You adjusted the strap of your duffel bag on you shoulder as you weaved your way through the crowd of people.

You arrive at the gate where you flight was boarding. The woman greeted you with a smile and cheerful ‘hello’. She checked your ticket before sending you on your way to the entrance of the gate. Walking down the lengthly tunnel you begin to hear your name being called out. Furrowing your eyebrows you eventually shake your head and keep walking until the voice gets louder. Finally giving in you turn around only to find Luke standing at the entrance of the tunnel. He looked out of breath as he panted heavily. Beads of sweat were visible as they ran down his forehead. “Luke?” You say. “What are you doing?”

“Stopping you from going to Manhattan.”

“Luke..” You sighed.

“No, listen to me (Y/N).” He said walking towards you in the tunnel. “I love you. I always have but i had trouble trying to figure out the best decision.” He walks closer to you. “The team all like you and they see you as the best choice.”

“Luke, I don’t want the team deciding for you.”

“More like helped.” He said. “But the more they talked to me about you the more it made me start to realize who I want to be with.”

“Ma’am, you’re gonna miss your flight.” The lady spoke as she stood by the semi closed door.

“Come back with me.” Luke said.

“Luke, I’m sorry.” You say shaking his head. “I waited too long. I’m not Rachel and I won’t ever be Rachel.”

“I love that you aren’t Rachel. I don’t want Rachel. She only wants me for sex but you? You want me for me. Not just my body.” You look down at your feet. All this time you have been thinking that he only liked you because you were his friend. You had been thinking that you weren’t good enough for him like Rachel. You thought of yourself as someone who was already called a nerd because you were born with the genes of Albert Einstein. At least that’s what it felt like. Sure Luke enjoyed your company but you always thought he didn’t like you more than just a friend he can go to when he needs to vent. Now you were proven wrong. He was pouring his heart to you in the middle of the airport terminal. Your flight to Manhattan just a few minutes away from taking off with or without you. But what if he wants to be with you and still goes to Rachel at night? What if you were always that runner up to her? Would you ever be good enough? Could you ever top her?

Oh shut up, (Y/N). If he didn’t want to be with you than he wouldn’t have stopped you from boarding the plane that is bound to take off any second.

“(Y/N)..” Luke said snapping you out of your thoughts. You lift your head and pick up your eyes to look at him.

“So if I’m like Rachel, you’ll still love me?” You question.

“Of course I will still love you.” He said holding your face in his hands. “Don’t ever doubt that I won’t..”

Before you could stop yourself, you soon found yourself cupping his face in your hands as you kissed him. He was taken by surprise but kissed you back earning a giggle from you.

Well he choose.. And the lucky winner was you. After all the times you compared yourself to Rachel and trying to be like her, the odds were eventually given to you. Luke was yours and there was nothing that could change that. Your heart was happy, your ex-boyfriend was pissed, and you were in love.

I thought this was good for a nice Luke AU. Took me a while to get this posted but IT IS HERE! WOO!

If you liked this than please be sure to like, reblog, and leave your feedback! :)

[fromthedeskofelizabeththird]

Memento Mori 4/4

Memento Mori is such an important fic to me and to explain why would take years, but all I’ll say is that part of the reason it took me such a long time to write it is that it had to be right. Nari was not an OC when I finished Violets are Blue and Memento Mori was originally intended as a direct sequel (I have been writing it for a good six months), though it became increasingly clear upon writing that the thing the story needed most was a unique, human main character with her own sense of loss. Vabverse came from a lot of the drafts of this fic (it predates many, if not all of the fics it references) and as much as it’s made me suffer, I owe it more than I can ever say.

Not only that, though, but thank you for sticking with this fic and this verse all of this time. To everyone who encouraged me in November to write more of it, to those of ya’ll who have asked me questions, to everyone who liked and reblogged it, to my friends who have tolerated my whinging about this fic for I honestly don’t even know how long and I’m scared to ask at this point. Your support has meant the world to me and I’d never forgive myself if you didn’t know. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | AO3

As a newcomer to the RFA, Nari spent her first few days carefully examining Rika’s deserted apartment. There were almost certainly areas she should not visit and V had referenced private documents pertaining to the RFA, which left her in something of a quandary, for she knew she did not want to step on anyone’s toes, but at the same time did not know where anything was.

Consequently, Rika’s apartment never felt familiar to her, regardless of how many mornings she woke there. If anything, it was the opposite, a place she was not permitted to be and therefore an intruder any given time she was present. In the days that passed after her visit to C&R, she felt very much the same; waking alone in Jumin’s guest room and logging into the messenger as she ate her evening meal. In any given moment of silence, she found her attentions drifting to the front door, in much the same fashion she had in those first few days. Back then she had been anxious of the prospect that someone would barge in and demand an explanation, eyes darting to the keyhole at any sound she could not otherwise explain. This time around, she found herself doing the same thing, though not out of any sort of anxiety, but the hope that there might actually be someone on the other side of the door.

The evening before her second RFA party, she poured herself a glass of wine and examined the city lights through the penthouse window, wondering all of the while if V was somewhere out there with his camera.  

The messenger had been an interesting place of late. Although she, Jumin and V had not formally announced any sort of grief on their part, it would be unfair to suggest that none of the other members had realised that something was out of the ordinary. They were busy with their own lives, of course, between Yoosung moving into clinical study, Jaehee getting caught in the tidal wave of everything that happened at C&R, Zen’s busy schedule on set and Seven dividing his time between taking care of his brother following up on all possible leads in the Mint Eye investigation. Ordinarily it would not have taken two years to collate so much evidence, but now he was a freelancer and turning in his old job at the agency had burned bridges with all of his old contacts in one fell swoop.

No matter how busy their lives were, however, it did not go unnoticed by the other members that in the run up to the party Nari, Jumin and V never logged in at the same time, just as it did not particularly pass by Nari herself that the other members checked in in ways they believed would go unnoticed. Whether it was the combination of Jaehee’s public observation that Jumin’s recent decision to relocate to one of Chief Han’s penthouses in the business district had caused significant upheaval and her private one that she was sure Nari must have missed him terribly. Whether it was Zen’s out of the blue phone call and subsequent selfies during rehearsal, which Nari knew would never happened without some prior knowledge of Jumin’s absence.  Whether it was Yoosung’s phone call in the middle of the day to ask her food preferences because he’d made too many side dishes.

The only person who did not message her was Seven, but she never questioned his decision in that regard. Whenever he logged into the messenger it was to describe his brother’s behaviour and Nari knew it was unfair to presume he spend his time observing hers too.

And so it was that on the evening of that first party, she turned away from the window and paced the apartment instead; running her fingers through the fabric of the ballgown she had chosen for the party and switching on the light in Jumin’s home office. She had avoided the room semi-intentionally after returning from C&R without him, having had no real cause to go in. The party organisation had been in its final stages at the time of her hospitalization and most of the files in Jumin’s in tray related to the new house.

She knew she wasn’t forbidden in there. Any given time she hovered in the doorway, Jumin would smile and remind her that the penthouse was her home as much as his. There was no logical reason for her to feel exactly the same as when she first took in the paintings on Rika’s wall, but she jumped out of her skin the moment she heard knocking, as if she really had been caught stealing private documents.

She rushed to open the door so quickly that she spilled her wine en route, not knowing who she expected, though still managing to be disappointed when she opened the door to one of the guards.

“This came for you, Mrs Han,” he said. “We examined the contents; it’s safe.”

After the incidents with Glam Choi, Sarah and Mint Eye, all incoming mail was checked for dangerous materials before arriving at the penthouse interior. It had proven to be an unnecessary measure, but Jumin had overheard one too many horror stories to let the matter rest. Nari did not mind, even if the delay in mail made organizing the party slightly more complicated.

The package in question was a food hamper. Not only that, but it was heavy. So heavy that she regretted taking the wine glass to the door with her, for carrying the basket through the penthouse with only one hand was quite the strain. She set it down on the coffee table and flopped down onto the couch before leaning over to examine its contents.

She ignored the wine, the preserves, the bread, cheeses, meats, champagne flavour truffles, nougat and even the foie gras in favour of the card at the top, curious about who would send her such a gift. She did not recognise the writing on the card and even though she was well aware it did not belong to Jumin or to V, she was still disappointed to learn it had no connection to anyone she knew.  She laughed to herself as she slipped the card back inside of its envelope and leaned back into the couch, gazing up at the ceiling and closing her eyes, though opening them once again the moment she heard footsteps across the carpet and mewling at the front door.

Elizabeth had bounced right out of the master bedroom when Nari returned from C&R and, even though she could not speak, it was not difficult to understand that she too had expected something more. She had circled Nari several times and mewed at the door, expecting someone else to come through it who never actually did. Someone whose jacket Nari wore about her shoulders and earned her Elizabeth crawling into her arms and all but refusing to leave.

“It’s going to be alright,” she said, talking to Elizabeth, or so she thought. “We’re going to get out of this.”

For all of her preparation, every contract signed, every guest invited, the fact that she would actually have to attend the party arrived as an afterthought.

At exactly ten o'clock, a gaggle of strangers arrived at her door to style her hair and nails and apply her makeup, all while strapping her into the lavender gown she had chosen and even though she had scheduled the appointment herself, she found herself staring into space and only numbly engaging in their polite attempts at conversation.

When she caught a glimpse of herself for the first time, with billowing skirts and wearing so many layers of makeup that she barely recognised her own face beneath, she did not know what to do beyond stare. She went through the same motions only two years earlier, raising her phone camera to take a picture of herself smiling and posing in the same absurd fashion she might have done when sending a photo to her closest friends.  At the time, she had blushed even as she sent the photograph to Jumin, only to laugh when he responded with a blurred picture of Elizabeth Third.

This time around, she hovered over the dial, only to almost drop the phone entirely when it started ringing in her hand.

“H-hello?”

“Hello? Nari? It’s Jihyun. I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”

At the sound of his voice, she reached out to steady her weight against the kitchen counter.

“Jihyun, wh-”

She could hear water in the background; the lapping of the tides. It was familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on why, like trying to claw onto a dream after waking.

“I’m sorry…I know I was supposed to present at the party today…but it seems like I won’t be going after all.”

“What are you talking about?”

For a moment Nari wondered if he had gone back to Jeju, but she knew she had only ever heard those particular acoustics on the phone.

“I’m sorry, I…” He laughed. “I have to go!”

He hung up and Nari stared at the phone in her hand, not only wondering what on earth had just happened but why it seemed so familiar. She wondered if he had mentioned something similar in conversations after 2:15, though she knew that wasn’t right. For the most part after 2:15, he talked about karma and candlelight. The word ‘karma’ wasn’t wrong, though, for the moment she landed on it she was reminded of tea leaves and burying her face in Jumin’s chest.

“He said it that time too.”

And she had not understood what he meant, rubbing her eyes and yawning as he described a phone call that arrived after 2am, which in turn reminded her of another call from another time, that arrived as she returned home from an interview with a women’s magazine. She had not thought much of it then, for although it was only a week after Rika almost died in his arms, he had seemed practically chipper.

“Where are you?” 

She remembered laughing at the sudden sound of the ocean waves in the background, delighted by how unusual they were at the time.

“I’m where the sky meets the sea. I’ll take you sometime.”

The memory alone of what he said next sent her rushing into the master bedroom, high heels or no.

“That’s not an answer!”

“Fine, fine, you got me. I took a picture here once, of the sun shining on the ocean. It’s …how I met Rika.”

V kept annotated originals of all of his photographs in carefully organised leather bound albums. After any official showcase, he would store the film away separately, in case reprints were needed, all while noting down the date, the location and sometimes even his thoughts on each individual photograph. Some of the albums contained pressed flowers. Others contained ticket stubs and diagrams of butterflies. Somewhere, at the end of a particular album, was a photo of bed sheets and carefully transcribed verse about blue violets. Unlike his actual exhibits, which were left almost entirely to the imagination, looking through his albums was to reach into his soul.

She knew the one she was looking for. He had invited her to look inside when he transferred the pictures from his latest gallery into storage.

“They go in here, like this,” he had told her, though she had been too busy laughing at a picture of Jumin attempting to read a book while a much younger Elizabeth Third pawed at his face.

Nari reached for that same book and turned the pages in a flurry, not particularly paying attention to any of the picture but for the one she searched for, finally stopping at two pages near the back devoted entirely to pictures of the tides. In some of them, Rika stood at the railing, leaning over the edge with the sunlight shimmering through her hair just as it did the open water. Nari pretended she did not see and instead peeled out one of the photographs, turning it over to read the caption on the reverse.

“Alright then,” said Nari.

The car was an obvious place to start. Driver Kim already waited for her departure and did not question it when she called him up to the penthouse to view the back of a photograph.

Even so, she was sure they would never find him.

The stretch of road in his annotation seemed to span for miles. Nari spent most of the journey peering out of the window, watching for Jihyun at every street corner and every crowd, taking photographs of the top of every tree and the foam of every cup of coffee. She found herself drawn to every flash of blue; every inch of monochrome. Any time a tourist raised their camera, she stopped everything else to look.

When she finally saw him, they had left the city and she barely believed her eyes. At any moment, she might blink and find him gone.

He didn’t disappear, though, as she climbed out of the car. Instead he leaned against the railing in the same manner as Rika in the photograph Nari thought she had ignored.

“Jihyu-”

“Do you know where you are?”

The question took her off kilter and so she took a couple of steps towards the railings to take in the view.

“This used to be one of my favorite places in the world,” said Jihyun. “I came here often to take photographs…never got tired.”

“It’s….”

In truth, Nari didn’t know what to say. It was difficult to believe that such a place had ever been good for photography, with such grey skies overhead and little in the way of scenery. Jihyun laughed at her speechlessness, though the laughter did not quite meet his eyes.

“I told a lie here,” he said. “Before I met you.”

“A lie?”

“I don’t suppose it matters now,” he said. “But this place used to be beautiful.” 

He smiled out across the dark water with a contented smile. 

“You never got the chance to meet her as she was… but Rika was beautiful too.”

“Jihyun… you know what happened isn’t your fault.”

“You sound just like my therapist,” he said. “She also says I take on an inadequate amount of blame. Perhaps she’s right, but it’s difficult to ignore the pattern. I ruined this place. I ruined Rika and I also-”

He turned to her, his eyes skimming her frame. He did not finish the sentence but she knew his implication and it left the pair of them standing in silence, with nothing but the waves breaking against the shoreline by way of sound.

Truthfully, Nari had already known a little of his feelings where Rika was concerned. He did not speak of her often, but when he did it was clear that he did so from a place of pain. Nari had long suspected that after Rika almost bled out in his arms, it was not the shock that left him reeling, but something far worse.

She could not stand the thought that somewhere, deep down, he honestly believed he had ruined her. Not when the truth was so blatantly different. Every time he touched her, she believed she was beautiful, bursting into colour and transforming into something magnificent in his embrace. Jumin left her vulnerable. Jihyun left her glowing. Between them she was something she had never been before.

She took a deep breath.

“It’s not for me to tell you what you should feel, but I will say that, logistically speaking, there are probably more people out there in a better place because of you and the RFA. Whether they received funding from a charity fundraiser or they saw a photograph and felt inspired. It’s true that you’re to blame for some things, but I don’t for a second believe you’re to blame for all of them. We’ll-”

And at some point, though exactly when she couldn’t be sure, she realised she ought to take heed of her own advice.

“We’ll never know for sure who’s to blame in what happened to us,” she said. “But in all of the time we spend dividing it, none of us are moving on.”

Jihyun didn’t respond for a while and when he did, it was to glance across at her in a bemused fashion. He opened his mouth to say something and she flew into his arms, wrapping her arms around his body and taking in the coarse material of his coat against her cheek.

“Did you just…rehearse that?” He asked as he rested a hand in the centre of her back.

“I-” She blushed. “No…I.”

She snuggled her face into his person, wanting to absorb his look and feel so clearly that she never forgot, all while fearing she might hold him too tightly.

“All of this time you’ve been gone,” she said as his lips ghosted her forehead, “and already you’re making fun of me.”

Within seconds she was smiling, though.

“I missed you.”

At that, he held her tighter. Buried his face in her hair.

“So,” he glanced at his watch, “provided we don’t hit traffic, we should make it to the party hall just in time for the speech.”

“I’m not going,” said Nari as she untangled herself from his arms.

“Not going? But…I don’t understand.”

He held onto her hand only lightly as they returned to the car and stopped in his tracks entirely when she opened up the passenger door.

She had packed the food hamper onto the back seat and she supposed it did not look too out of place, given she had not indulged in any of its contents. Anyone might have presumed that she meant to take it to the party hall and present it to a guest.

The pet carrier, admittedly, was slightly more obscure. Driver Kim had positioned it carefully in the front passenger seat, but Elizabeth seemed to be under the impression she was going to the vet and, even as Jihyun peered inside of the car, she mewled in the same way she did when she got stuck on the kitchen counter and was too afraid to jump back down.

Back in the apartment, as she replaced Jihyun’s album and reached for her jacket, she had received a second urgent call from Jaehee, warning her that Jumin had not only cancelled the appointment with his driver but made no secondary arrangements

“He’s going to miss the party!”

And Nari knew then what she had to do; a plan that remained only too clear as she climbed into the back of the car with Jihyun, who by then had caught onto her intention.

“We’re going home,” she said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a handkerchief for his tear stained face; barely noticing that he silently ran his fingers over the fabric instead of using it, all the while remembering an identically embroidered one he gave away once to a stranger sobbing in an elevator.

In previous months, both Jumin and V had expressed concerns at exactly how much organisation Nari took into account when putting together her second party. She had made sure to schedule servers for the floor and ushers for the main entrances, leaving nothing for the RFA members to do but show up, make speeches and mingle. In the end she only had to make one phone call.

"M-Mr Han?”

Jaehee answered after only three rings.

“No. It’s me,” said Nari. “Listen, I need to ask a favour.”

“Of course. What do you need?”

“Did Jumin call you from his desk phone?”

After wrestling Elizabeth into her pet carrier and hoisting the food hamper into her arms, Nari had taken one last skim of the penthouse to see if there was anything else she ought to take with her. During that last check, she caught a glimpse of the picture from her wedding day, no longer in its frame.  She would have been lying if she said she no longer believed the woman in that photograph had never been hurt. That she had changed her mind and believed she knew far more of suffering or pain than would ever become apparent. It was something of a comfort, however, to know that that woman had no reason to be afraid of rejection and, as she pushed the button for the lift, she was sure the soft sunlight radiated through her nonetheless.

As the doors to the lift closed behind her, the absurdity of the situation began to sink in. She really was about to miss her own party and not only had convinced Jihyun to tag along with her, but he stood beside her quite happily with a food hamper in his arms. She really was standing there in a twenty thousand dollar dress clutching a pet carrier.

And before she knew it, she began to laugh.

For the first time in weeks, she no longer felt guilty. It was a stretch to say she no longer felt conflicted, but for the first time in a long time she could finally see solutions to problems that once felt like the end of everything. After leaving the hospital she had been so sure she would never know what it felt like to hope. She knew it would be a long time before she would feel completely whole again, but she had come a long way past running on empty.

This time around, Nari was prepared. She swiped her card through the reader and opened Jumin’s office door by a sliver, double checking the silent room before unfastening Elizabeth’s pet carrier and slipping it through the gap. She had been in his office more than once, climbing all over the bookshelves and prompting several anecdotes about disheveled paperwork, and so it was only a matter of moments few moments before she made a beeline for the desk. Nari reached up to switch on the light to Jumin’s cries of surprise and Elizabeth’s purrs.

He did not seem to have been drinking and Nari presumed he had not been in the office long at all from the fact that he still was rearranging his schedule. Elizabeth, of course, knew nothing of such matters and had jumped straight from the desk into his arms, leaving him with no choice but to sit and cradle her as she rubbed her face against his, only pausing to change her angle and lick his nose.

“N-Nari…Jihyu…” Jumin said, moving his face away from Elizabeth.

“You said you didn’t deserve to come home,” said Nari. “I thought we’d bring home to you!”

“There’s Camembert!” Piped up Jihyun behind her.

Once, a long time ago, Jumin described the way her voice soothed the darkest reaches of his soul in such a manner that he did not understand. She remembered the conflict playing out in his voice as well as his words; the same way that he looked at them then, from Jihyun rummaging through the hamper for the cheese to Nari herself beaming at him even though her makeup was smudged by tears. He glanced down at Elizabeth in his arms, who stared back up, unblinking.

“I….”

He smiled softly.

“I’ve been a fool,” he said. “Haven’t I?”

The first thing that crossed her mind when she opened her eyes was the bright afternoon sunlight; so bright that it hurt and she closed them again.

The grass was soft against her feet and someone-the same someone who only seconds ago had been holding their hands over her eyes-stroked her back.

“What do you think?”

She squinted, reaching up one hand to shield her face from the sunlight.

“I…”

It had been three months since the RFA party; three months since she sat on her husband’s lap to eat olives and between them they had dared their lover to eat his body weight in French bread. Those months had been long and bittersweet; everyone had laughed and cried and opened wounds in unexpected places. This time when she opened her eyes, Nari did not see the ocean but a house instead. A house with strong foundations positioned outside of the city and closer to the cherry farm. A house with a darkroom for V to process his photographs and a larger home office for Jumin. A house with several acres of garden.

And even though she no longer felt guilty, nor the immediate absence of the child that never was, Nari still found herself thinking of the child whose eyes were sometimes blue and sometimes grey and might have been born in that house under different circumstances.

“I’m sorry,” she said, turning to Jumin, suddenly conscious that he still waited for answer. “It’s wonderful. All of your hard work paid off.”

She didn’t say that she still felt empty, though by then she didn’t have to. He reached an arm around her shoulders and kissed her to the forehead, turning back towards the car where Jihyun fiddled with his camera.

“We have a surprise for you,” he said.

“You do?”

“It was Jihyun’s idea,” said Jumin, reaching to take her by the hand. “I…assisted.”

When Jihyun saw them approaching, he set aside his camera and climbed out of the car with an enormous smile on his face, suddenly looking for all of the world like a child set loose in a candy store.

“What are you up to?” Nari asked, glancing from one to the other and receiving nothing by way of an explanation. Instead she watched as Jihyun clambered up into the passenger side seat of the moving van.

When he hopped back down, he had a plant pot in his arms, which in turn contained a sapling.

“This is…” He said, searching for the right words, even if by then she had worked out their intentions.

The tree would flourish and grow, spread its branches and reach the sky even if their child never would.

Slowly, Jihyun lowered the plant pot into her hands.

“Now then,” said Jumin, clearing his throat and keeping his composure, “where should it go?”

[ladyscientia]

Tempus Vernum Ep.5

That one time the Queen bribed you with Opera tickets.

Ignis x Reader Spoilers below the cut

(If you missed the last episode - ) Episode Four: That one time you met Prompto Argentum (For mobile users that are unable to read under the cut, copy and past the link in your mobile browser or send the link to yourself and open in your browser instead of the app.)

For the past week, you’ve been successfully shadowing Ignis, learning the ins and outs of being the Royal Secretary. You’ve had the weekend off, but not without an assignment. At the end of the day on Friday, Ignis sent you a file of his verbal notes from the last council meeting. Your job was to use the information to compile the monthly political report. You spent so much time listening to his notes that on Friday and Saturday night, you fell asleep with his voice looping in your mind; ‘to affirm these negative assertions of those who deplore the crown, is to bend to them.’

It wasn’t even a sentence that could be used for the political report, but it stood out to you profoundly…

The positive to all this Ignis-exposure was that it helped make him less of a big deal to you. He wasn’t someone to be intimidated by anymore. You could take a breath.

The morning you arrive you to work with an impressive-looking folder in one hand and your own can of ebony in the other. You sit back in your office chair with a yawn. Behind you snow drifts sleepily from the half-lit sky. You take your time organizing your desk and preparing your report for Ignis. The Ebony hits you in just the right spot as you sip.

Ignis joins you not too long after. He sits on the other side of the desk from you as usual, crossing one leg over the other. You notice his dress socks have a cactuar print today,

“I have the political report ready for you,” you tell him with a tinge of excitement. You pass the folder across the desk and he takes it up into his hands. You watch him finger through the leaflets. He traces one of the sticky notes that’s sticking out, then sets the whole thing back on your desk.

“I’ll make sure that Noct gets this right away,” he smiles briefly.

“Don’t you want to look it over first?” you ask with disappointment. But right away you gasp at your own question with embarrassment. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sure your report is quite the affectation,” he responds politely.

“That was really – it was a stupid thing to say. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You’ll come to get used to it over time.”

Your cell phone buzzes on the desk top. In the heat of the awkward semi-argument, you think of ignoring the phone. But the screen lights up and you see that it’s Sam. Ignis is still saying something when you pick the phone up to read the text.

Sam’s message reads; “I’m i’ll. Not coming in today. Hopefully I don’t die in mucus-y agony.”

“Shit.” You say outloud with a grimace.

Ignis looks very confused. ‘Shit’ is not what he was expecting you to respond with to whatever it was that he was saying.

“Sam just texted me,” you explain. “He’s too sick to come in today.”

“It must be serious. Sam rarely stays home.”

“Who should run the front desk?”

“That would be you if you’re up for it.”

You take a minute to let this idea settle in your mind. ARE you up for it?

“Yeah. I think I can handle that. But to be honest, there are still somethings I’m not totally comfortable with.”

“How about this;” Ignis interrupts. “We’ll run the front desk together and in-between tasks, you can read the political report to me. It’s probably best that I look the report over to make sure you’re doing it properly – well, not ‘look’ exactly-“

“-I know what you mean.”

You’re both smiling kind of stupidly for a second.

“Well…let’s get on with it shall we?” Ignis pulls his earpiece out from an inner coat pocket and as he fastens it in place, you realize that he’s wearing different glasses today. They aren’t the bulky goggle-type safety specs, but something with a sleeker, gunmetal frame. The lens have a gradient tint to them.

“I like your glasses today,” you remark casually, gathering up the political report.

“Thank you,” he flashes his teeth with a rare, sheepish grin. “They’re new. I’ve been waiting for them for some time now.”

The morning passes smoothly. Interactions between you and Ignis are sparse as the phones have been ringing nonstop. Ever since since propaganda rained down on the city, there’s been an unrest, making work at the palace more hectic than usual. By the time lunch comes around, Evelyn approaches the desk with her black hair a mess. In between your own work you could see her pulling at her hair in frustration every time the phone rang. She looks exhausted now, and crosses her arms on the high top counter. 

“I’m going to lunch first,” she says, looking at you seriously. “I’m not asking. I’m doing.”

“Go on, then.” You laugh and shoo her away. You add into your earpiece; “hey, Evelyn’s going to lunch. Forward all public relations calls to the main desk.”

Teddy’s voice responds back, “you got it, boss!” He gives you the thumbs up from across the hall.

When you turn back with a sigh, you see Ignis. His hands are folded calmly in his lap. He has a smile on his face that oozes, ‘I AM QUITE PLEASED.’

“What?” you ask. Your cheeks slightly tingle.

“You’re doing very well,” he remarks in earnest. 

Your earpiece buzzes suddenly as one of the other crown channels breaks through. You recognize the voice as one of the Lt. guards that works the second floor. His voice is deep and serious.

“Lady Luna is approaching the main hall.”

Ignis is the first to stand, followed by every other single person in the hall. The members of the guard the work the first floor become rigidly attentive. Eine, at the front door, puts the entrance on lock down. 

Luna appears on the balcony with the flouncy sleeves of her gown rippling behind her. Another woman walks at her side; two heads taller and two times less flouncy. You look at Teddy and direct the earpiece channel to privately connect to him. You whisper; “who is that?”

Teddy gives you a mortified grimace that you’re talking to him at such a serious moment but responds quickly anyways. “Aranea Highwind. Captain of the Queensglaive.”

Queensglaive? That’s new.

Two of the phones start ringing simultaneously. No one picks them up.

“Ah, Lady Luna,” Ignis greets loudly across the hall as Luna and her personal guard start down the stairs. “And Aranea I believe. To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Luna presses her tranquil, blue gaze directly on you. “I wish to speak to our new Royal Secretary, Ignis. You may all please be seated.”

You feel a sensation similar to your stomach lurching. ME?

Ignis reclaim’s Sam’s desk chair and the rest of the hall follows suit. He takes a candid sip of coffee and says, “Miss Vernum is doing a spectacular job. I’m sure whatever task you have for her, she’ll be able to exceed your expectations.”

The Queen smiles pleasantly and gets right down to business.  “Miss Vernum, there’s an important event at the Insomnia Art Theatre I wish to attend. I need you to make sure there are four seats reserved for myself and my guests.”

“Sure,” you choke a little and pull a memo pad from the desk drawer to make notes. “What event?”

“The Day of Dawn Fashion Gala,” she answers with ease. “The show is in two night from tonight. The seats need to be close to the runway."

Ignis interrupts, “do you think it’s wise that you be going to a public event with all the tension that’s arising in the city?”

“I need to show my support,” she replies. “The Gala is for a good cause and the people of Insomnia need to see that I won’t back down.”

“So four seats ...” you manage to pipe out. “Two night from tonight.”

“That’s right,” Luna folds her hands at her waist. “And here’s a little gift to show my appreciation since I’m sure this will be no small task seeing as how the gala is probably sold out at this point. Aranea?”

Aranea produces an envelope from the inside of her uniform and slides it to you across the high top counter. 

“What’s this?” you ask, a little nervous to find out.

Luna leans in a little close. Her blonde hair sweeping across the envelope. She says in somewhat of a whisper, “Noctis acquired tickets to the opera for tonight. But I’m not all that interested. You really ought to go if you have time tonight. I’m sure you could use the time to enjoy yourself.”

You peek shyly into the envelope and find two tickets. “I - uh - I don’t really have anyone to go with. At last minute, I mean. I -”

Luna blurts out, “Ignis! You should go with her! You always loved the opera. And then you can act as her crownsguard for the evening to ensure her safety. We can’t be too sure with our own personnel.” 

You whip around to catch Ignis’ expression. He’s frozen with one brow raised. He manages to say, “Of course, Lady Luna. If that would please you.”

“Then it’s settled,” Luna claps her hands excitedly at her chest. “Send word to my living quarters once you’ve gotten the four seats for the Gala reserved.”

“Yes,” you squeak and watch as the ripple of sleeves disappear back up the stairs and beyond the balcony.

-End NEXT EPISODE: Join Miss Vernum and Ignis on an awkward, but lovely trip to the opera. <3

Credit to my lovely AF manager, @sweetstrawberrycandy To read more of my writings, visit my Masterlist <----